Man & Woman :)

[Shirin_Qiz]

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT. Thanks

[Legend]

Once I've got the same junk mail. Some of them funny though.

[Shirin_Qiz]

Once I've got the same junk mail. Some of them funny though. yes it is :)

[Just_Girl]

yes it is :) I LOVEEEEEEEEEE thet prosta prikol

[Lady_G]

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

[Lady_G]

"Funny business, a woman's career: the things you drop on the way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you'll need them again when you get back to being a woman. It's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted. "
Joseph L. Mankiewicz (http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Joseph_L._Mankiewicz/), in All About Eve




"Male and female represent the two sides of the great radical dualism. But in fact they are perpetually passing into one another. Fluid hardens to solid, solid rushes to fluid. There is no wholly masculine man, no purely feminine woman. "




"For all their strength, men were sometimes like little children. "


"When I think of talking, it is of course with a woman. For talking at its best being an inspiration, it wants a corresponding divine quality of receptiveness, and where will you find this but in a woman? "
Oliver Wendell Holmes (http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Oliver_Wendell_Holmes/)
US author & physician (1809 - 1894)


"If women are expected to do the same work as men, we must teach them the same things."

Plato (http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Plato/) :P
Greek author & philosopher in Athens (427 BC - 347 BC)




"Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange."

"What is most beautiful in virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in feminine women is something masculine. "





"Women upset everything. When you let them into your life, you find that the woman is driving at one thing and you're driving at another. "

[Proxyman]

Good post. last year I got a junk letter with the same content, I like the one with:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

[exterminator]

Verey thoughtfull? in it is funny.

[Banda]

Damm Cool :) thanks Girl

[adagio]

Good post. last year I got a junk letter with the same content, I like the one with:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.



very needed before marriage

rosa kerakli info ekan,

[xlnt]

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa.
Half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America.
Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with
cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like India.
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France.
Gently ageing but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the war, haunted
by past mistakes and massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia. Very wide and borders are
unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all
conquering past but alas, no future.
After 70, she becomes like Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but
no
one wants to go there.



THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN


Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick

[xlnt]

shirin qizga ogromniy rahmat manga shu saytni orgatkanlari uchun
oqituvchiopa rahmat

[xlnt]

A very beautiful woman was walking on the roof of
> a building and she
> >suddenly trips over something and falls down. On
> her way falling down, an
> >American man catches her, she says : "Oh thank
> you, you saved my life,
> >I'll do ANYTHING for you..."
> >
> >The man says: "Okay then, sleep with me."
> >
> >She says : "You PIG!! NEVER!!"
> >
> >So he says "FINE!" and he drops her down.... So
> she's falling and
> >screaming..........................
> >
> >Suddenly a German man catches her in the air from
> his balcony, she says
> >:"Oh thank you, you saved me, I'll do anything
> that you ask..."
> >
> >The guy says : "Fraulein, sleep with me."
> >She replies: "Oh you nasty pig!!! NEVER!"
> >
> >So the man says : "Fine!!!" and he also drops her
> down again.
> >
> >She's falling and thinking that it was better if
> she slept with one of
> >those men and now she's going to die.
> >
> >Suddenly, a Muslim fanatic man catches the woman
> from his balcony, she
> >says: "Oh thank you, you saved my life, I'll SLEEP
> with you!!"
> >
> >
> >The Muslim man replies: "ASTAKHFIRULLAH'' and he
> drops her.

[Shirin_Qiz]

shirin qizga ogromniy rahmat manga shu saytni orgatkanlari uchun
oqituvchiopa rahmatHush kelibsiz davramizaga :) rahmat sizgaham lekin uhlomi chiqaningizda yoki ishga kech qolganingizda forum.uznidep mani sokmasala bolgani :) omad ishlaringizga .

[Lady_G]

Another one:

No sex tonight?

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and womendiffer so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured outwhy men think with their head and womenwiththeir heart.

FOR EXAMPLE
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "Idon't feelLike it, I just want you to hold me."I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads tohear...
"You'rejust not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enoughforme to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love meforwho I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizingthat nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spendtimewithher. We went out to a nice lunch and then wentShopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked aroundwithher while she tried on several different very expensiveOutfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buythemall. She wanted new shoes to compliment her newclothes, so I said lets get a pair for eachoutfit. We went onto thejewellery department where she picked out a pair ofdiamond earrings.
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I wasonewave short of a shipwreck. I startedto think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis braceletwhenshe doesn't even know how to play tennis.I think Ithrew her for a loop when I said,"That's fine, honey."She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of theexcitement.Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this isalldear, let's go to the cashier." Icould hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "Nohoney, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw droppedwith abaffled"WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Reallyhoney! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're justnotintouch with my financial needs as a man enough for me tosatisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had thislooklike she was going to kill me, I added,"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the thingsIbuy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either...

Isn't he a loser? :evil:

[MasxaraboZ]

yigit bilan qiz orasida ishonch bulsa,bir biriga nisbatan hurmat paydo buladi,ishonch va hurmat bulsa,demak sevgi ham... :lool:

[Lady_G]

yigit bilan qiz orasida ishonch bulsa,bir biriga nisbatan hurmat paydo buladi,ishonch va hurmat bulsa,demak sevgi ham... :lool:
yuqoridagi valaksalayga o'hshaganlarni 1 qashiq suvda o'ldirsayam arzidi...:evil:

[MasxaraboZ]

yuqoridagi valaksalayga o'hshaganlarni 1 qashiq suvda o'ldirsayam arzidi...:evil:

valaksalay degani nima u? :lool:

[Lady_G]

valaksalay degani nima u? :lool:
kotta holamni o'g'lini qizini amakisini biyisini nevarasi degan

[MasxaraboZ]

kotta holamni o'g'lini qizini amakisini biyisini nevarasi degan

Lady_G nima buyerda off top qilayabsiz :lool:

men jiddiy surayabman valaksalay degani nima? :lool:

[Lady_G]

Lady_G nima buyerda off top qilayabsiz :lool:

men jiddiy surayabman valaksalay degani nima? :lool:
Shunchaki so'radiz, savoliz erda qop ketmasin deb javob berdim! Warning osam, kallaizga ikkini chushmasam otimi boshqa qo'yaman! :evil: ":lool:"

uzr offtop uchun! :P

[stanford]

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.


Napoleon said: Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property.

[PainKiller]

Napoleon said: Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property.Bullshit. :cool:

[Lady_G]

Napoleon said: Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property.
H.L.Mencken said:

Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.

[NYyankNY]

FUNNY.FUNNY

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy :lool::lol: :lool:



WHAHAHAHAHAH LOLOLOLO L

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. :lool::lol: :lool:

[NYyankNY]

WHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHALOL
HAHAHAH:lol: :lool::lol: :lool:Bullshit. :cool:

[Royal]

kotta holamni o'g'lini qizini amakisini biyisini nevarasi degan
Odamam ozini jiyaniga shunaqa muomala qiladimi - qon-qarindoshakansilayu!!!

[Royal]

Napoleon said: Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property.
Bor gap !!!
Faqat hozirgi qizlar buni to erga tekkunlaricha boynilariga olishmiy, buyam togri gap, qachonki boynilariga - er hotin qosh hokiz degan arqon tushganidan keyin - indamiy aravani tortip ketishadi - ungacha hamma bilgan gapini gapirvuradi bla, bla bla...

[MasxaraboZ]

Ayol qalbi alpinistga uxshaydi,erkak qalbi qorli cho'qqiga,alpinist bir cho'qqini zabt etsa,navbatdagi cho'qqi ishtiyoqida yonadi...
bevafo

[lost]

hope it is on topic :) :

Во многих западных банках введены новые банкоматы, которые позволяют снимать деньги с кредитной карточки, не выходя из автомобиля. Изготовители этих банкоматов приготовили 2 инструкции по пользованию:

ИНСТРУКЦИЯ ДЛЯ МУЖЧИН:
1. Подъехать к банкомату
2. Опустить стекло
3. Вставить карточку в банкомат набрать ПИН Код
4. ввести нужную сумму
5. Поднять стекло
6. Отъехать

ИНСТРУКЦИЯ ДЛЯ ЖЕНЩИН
1. Подъехать к банкомату
2. Подать назад чтоб банкомат оказался напротив окна
3. Поставить машину на ручник, опустить стекло
4. Найти сумочку и высыпать ее содержимое на пассажирское сидение, чтобы найти карточку
5. Выключить радио
6. Попробовать вставить карточку в банкомат
7. Открыть дверь чтобы дотянутся до банкомата
8. Вставить карточку
9. Вынуть карточку и вставить ее правильной стороной
10. Перерыть сумочку, чтобы найти записную книжку, что найти Пин код
11. Ввести Пин-код
12. Нажать "Сброс" и ввести Пин-код правильно
13. Ввести нужную сумму
14. Посмотреться в зеркало и поправить прическу
15. Забрать деньги и квитанцию
16. Снова высыпать все из сумочки, найти там кошелек и убрать деньги
17. Положить квитанцию в отделение для чеков
18. Поправить прическу
19. Проехать 5 метров
20. Подать назад к банкомату
21. Забрать карточку
22. Высыпать все из сумочки, найти футляр для карточек и положить туда карточку
23. Показать известным жестом руки, что вы думаете о мужчинах, скопившихся сзади вас в очереди
24. Завести заглохшую машину и отъехать
25. Проехать 2-5 км
26. Снять машину с ручного тормоза!!!

[Uzbekxonim]

hope it is on topic :

Во многих западных банках введены новые банкоматы, которые позволяют снимать деньги с кредитной карточки, не выходя из автомобиля. Изготовители этих банкоматов приготовили 2 инструкции по пользованию:



super!!! eh kakie je mi jenshini idiotki, a mujiki prosto umnichki....:)


insktruktsiya dlya mujchin po prigotovleniyu yayichnitsi:

1. napravitsya na kuhnyu
2. pereputav dver kuhni s dver'yu zala (gde est tv ili pc) eshe raz mislenno nastroitsya na kuhnyu.
3. otkrit holodilnik (on nahoditsya na kuhne).
4. eshe raz otkrit holodilnik i vnimatelno osmotret dvertsu holodilnika gde obichno lejat yaytsa (eto spravo).
5. podoyti k plite.
6. ne ishite spichki ili zajigalku - plita elektrichekaya, tam est krasnaya knopka pri najatii kotoroy poyavlyaetsya iskra.
7. vozmite skovordku
8. vozmite skovorodku, a ne kastryulyu. skovordka - menee glubokaya i s bolee dlinnoy ruchkoy.
9. naleyte maslo.
10. vileyte lishnee maslo (dlya yatichnitsi dostatochno 50 gr, 0,5 litra -eto slishkom mnogo)
11. yaytsa razbeyte ob nojik (nojik v sootvetstvuyushey polke)
12. skorlupu kotoruyu vi raskidali po stolu vibrosite v musor.
13. sdelayte ogon' potishe.
14. ostavte yayichnitsu na ogne na 5-10 min.
15. esli yayichnitsa podgorela pomoyte skovorodku i nachnite s punkta 1 i prodoljite do punkta 15.

Priyatnogo appetita.

[Abu Hurayra]

Ayollarni jaa qayirmaslik(ya'ni eng mayda narsa uchun ham tortishib utirmaslik kerak), aks holda Sinib qolishadi.
Balki Xayolimizdagi Ideal Ayolga tug'ri kelmasligi mumkin, Lekin Shunisini ham qadriga yetib BIr biriga chiroyli Munosabatda bo'lib Go'zal-shirin va Pok hayot kechirishga harakat qilish kerak.

PS:Ikki dunyoni bahti Nasib qilsin (shunga yarasha Harakat ham qilaylik aks holda aksi bulmasin tag'in)

[Bonik]

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.


Lady_G may I ask a question please?

So this is how you will treat your husband huh?

Predstawljaju kartinu:

Muj Lady_G prihotdit domoy s raboty a ona:
Eshak, bor ovqatingni e sovib qolmasdan... !!! keyin bo'sa hokizga o'hshab turmasdan, yahshi it bo'lib mani oyoqlarimni massaj qilib qo'y !!! ;-)

[Lady_G]

Lady_G may I ask a question please?

So this is how you will treat your husband huh?

Predstawljaju kartinu:

Muj Lady_G prihotdit domoy s raboty a ona:
Eshak, bor ovqatingni e sovib qolmasdan... !!! keyin bo'sa hokizga o'hshab turmasdan, yahshi it bo'lib mani oyoqlarimni massaj qilib qo'y !!! ;-)
yo'qolingeeeeeeeee :P jinni :laugh:
boring yahshisi chaqaloq jiyancham Bonik Juniorga Lady_G-ga o'hshagan domashniy drakon qizlardan ehtiyot bo'l deng :D

.....ah mani erimga qanchalik zo'r bo'ladi-de... :cool:

p.s.: massaj qisalar ham jon-jon deb qiladila,uff bu ajinaga qattanam uylandim demasala kk, yana Hudo biladi... ;-)

pp.s.: Euripidesni Antigoneda yozgani esizdami? yo'q? eslatib o'tay unda:


Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife.


;)

[Legend]

Bonik, tvoyo predstavleniye na schet eyo muja ochen i ochen oshibochnoye ;) . Lady_G may I ask a question please?

So this is how you will treat your husband huh?

Predstawljaju kartinu:

Muj Lady_G prihotdit domoy s raboty a ona:
Eshak, bor ovqatingni e sovib qolmasdan... !!! keyin bo'sa hokizga o'hshab turmasdan, yahshi it bo'lib mani oyoqlarimni massaj qilib qo'y !!! ;-)

[Mona Lisa]

Predstawljaju kartinu:

Muj Lady_G prihotdit domoy s raboty a ona:
Eshak, bor ovqatingni e sovib qolmasdan... !!! keyin bo'sa hokizga o'hshab turmasdan, yahshi it bo'lib mani oyoqlarimni massaj qilib qo'y !!! ;-)


Legend I feel really sorry for you :lol:

[Lady_G]

Legend I feel really sorry for you :lol:
ey simpotichnaya moderatorsha,
sizdan hechkim so'ragani yoq! Off topic qimasdan yozing !!! :twisted:

a v samom dele vi prosto zaviduete mne :P

on:
Frailty, thy name is woman!

[Legend]

Legend I feel really sorry for you :lol:No need to feel sorry, be sorry ;) .

[Mona Lisa]

Wow oilaviy hujum :)

Oy nesimpotichnaya get lost! :P (hazil hapa bo'lib yurmang)

[Legend]

Self defence :D . I do respect you, so let's stop here ;) .Wow oilaviy hujum :)

Oy nesimpotichnaya get lost! :P (hazil hapa bo'lib yurmang)

[Bonik]

Self defence :D . I do respect you, so let's stop here ;) .


Eeeehhhh lubov morkov bo'b ketilareeee...O'zi o'yladim nima uchun Legenddan manga PM keldiyu podpisi Lady_G qo'yilgan deb...

:) kalavani uchi bu yoqda deng :) taajjub. Endi bilamiz.

Legend,

I wasn't even thinking of Lady_G's husband while I was writing my previous post.

P.S. Maslahatim sizga, eng krutoy ko'ringan va qattiq gapiradigan qizaloqlar ham erga tekkandan keyin "yahshi qattiqqo'l tarbiya va parvarish qilinsa" asalday shirin va muloyimgina bo'b qolishadi :)

[Legend]

Thanks for your advise :) .Eeeehhhh lubov morkov bo'b ketilareeee...O'zi o'yladim nima uchun Legenddan manga PM keldiyu podpisi Lady_G qo'yilgan deb...

:) kalavani uchi bu yoqda deng :) taajjub. Endi bilamiz.

Legend,

I wasn't even thinking of Lady_G's husband while I was writing my previous post.

P.S. Maslahatim sizga, eng krutoy ko'ringan va qattiq gapiradigan qizaloqlar ham erga tekkandan keyin "yahshi qattiqqo'l tarbiya va parvarish qilinsa" asalday shirin va muloyimgina bo'b qolishadi :)

[Lady_G]

P.S. Maslahatim sizga, eng krutoy ko'ringan va qattiq gapiradigan qizaloqlar ham erga tekkandan keyin "yahshi qattiqqo'l tarbiya va parvarish qilinsa" asalday shirin va muloyimgina bo'b qolishadi :)
yo'g'e?:twisted:
aqsincha teskarisi bo'sachi? :P

p.s.: When the candles are out all women are fair. ;) :P

[Lady_G]

only ugly women say this kind of thing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:lol:

oh, really? what about gays like u babe, huh? :)

"I'm an openly gay trailer-trash Mexican. How could they not love me?"
:lol:

[Uzbekxonim]

only ugly women say this kind of thing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:lol:

i wish all ugly women were as beautifull as Lady_G:rolleyes:

[ferdon]

i wish all ugly women were as beautifull as Lady_G:rolleyes:
sizga gap yoq !!Uzbekxonim!!!
lady_G :Agarda gaping bol'sa ,PM yoz!!!!!

[Lady_G]

who is the one suport gay in this forum !!!!!:lol: you or me !!lesbian !!

конечно, я.
Но различие между нами, я имею жениха, и я не лесбиянка. Но в твоих фотографиях, ты - всегда с парнями.. :lol:
BTW the best defence is offence ;)

lady_G :Agarda gaping bol'sa ,PM yoz!!!!!
1nchi mani postimga reply qigan sanmi yoki kotta holammi?




"I've always been openly gay. It would never occur to me to behave otherwise."
--Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus Ringmaster Eric Michael Gillet to Atlanta's Etcetera magazine.

[Uzbekxonim]

sizga gap yoq !!Uzbekxonim!!!
lady_G :Agarda gaping bol'sa ,PM yoz!!!!!

Lady Gni haqorat qilishga haqqiz yoq!
nima bolsa ham ahir u qiz bola. sagal erkakdey ozizni tuting...:rolleyes:

[ferdon]

[quote=Lady_G]конечно, я.
Но различие между нами, я имею жениха, и я не лесбиянка. Но в твоих фотографиях, ты - всегда с парнями.. :lol:
[/quote!!I think you didn't see all the photos I put in this forum !!!!
secondly ,with those guys in the foto ,i hooked up with a vlot of girls !!you 'd better not talk about this !!

[Uzbekxonim]

thanks !!!!!I respect a lot of women in this forum ,like DIL ,inko ,loralei ,and balah balah !!!!even you !!!
but ,some girls ,don't deserve my respect !!!!

fisrt of all you should respect yourself and not behave yourself as.... with any woman/girl. and it's not you to judge if she deserves respect or not. look at yourself first.

[StU]

thanks !!!!!I respect a lot of women in this forum ,like DIL ,inko ,loralei ,and balah balah !!!!even you !!!
but ,some girls ,don't deserve my respect !!!!

behave yourself: "ne plyuy na ludey, ibo oni vitrutsa, no esli oni plyunut na tebya, ti zahlebneshsa"

[Legend]

Perdun, my lil advise to you puppet, shut ur stinky mouth , before i put ur fukcing head in ur sh*thole, so you won't be able to breath. It is just a suggestion ;) .

[NYyankNY]

Yaxshi mas yaxshi mas
mavzuga gaytsak yaxshi bolarmidi :rolleyes:

[PHOENIX]

thanks !!!!!I respect a lot of women in this forum ,like DIL ,inko ,loralei ,and balah balah !!!!even you !!!
but ,some girls ,don't deserve my respect !!!!

Slysh, ty, urod, v nature zakroy past' nah!!! :evil:
...Oblayal tut vseh devchonok, shavka poganaya...

[Bonik]

lady_G :Agarda gaping bol'sa ,PM yoz!!!!!

Slish bambuk sovsem nyuh poteryal chtoli? S kakih eto vremen mujik wizivaet na razborku devushku? Ya smotryu tvoi obgelennie volosi sil'no tebe jmut cherep!

LOL :twisted: O'zi erkakmisan? Erkak kishi ayolni avridi, erkalidi... sandaka jo'jaho'rozga o'hshab razborkaga chaqirmidi :)

Manimcha Lady_G ni gapida jon bor shekilli :twisted:

[Пушкарева]

ei, bolala urishmela. be more tolerant to each other i togda menshe voin i nasiliya budet v etom mire.

[Shahnoz]

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

...........

Shularni o'qidim-u, hayron qoldim...:rolleyes: Nahotki, "Sevgi"ning oqibatini ham "Hisoblab chiqsa" bo'ladi?...:rolleyes:
Yana bir gap: "Smart Woman(Man)" degani nima?:rolleyes: Qo'lida diplomi borimi?:rolleyes:Yoki qiziq suhbatchi, jozibador yo'ldoshmi?:rolleyes:

[dili@]

ha ha ha
voy zo'r ku!
That was funny. i like the part about the men and woman.
Nice

[dili@]

ha ha ha
voy zo'r ku!
That was funny. i like the part about the men and woman.
Nice

[Just_Girl]

Shularni o'qidim-u, hayron qoldim...:rolleyes: Nahotki, "Sevgi"ning oqibatini ham "Hisoblab chiqsa" bo'ladi?...:rolleyes:
Yana bir gap: "Smart Woman(Man)" degani nima?:rolleyes: Qo'lida diplomi borimi?:rolleyes:Yoki qiziq suhbatchi, jozibador yo'ldoshmi?:rolleyes: Smart Woman yoki Man degani aqilli qiz yoki ogil bola yana tushinmaganingiz bolsa bemalol

da juda qiziq manga juda yoqdi rahmat

[Shahnoz]

Smart Woman yoki Man degani aqilli qiz yoki ogil bola yana tushinmaganingiz bolsa bemalol

Rahmat albatta :lool::lool: "Smart" so'zining ma'nosini bilardim:) Shunchaki, shu "Aqlli" qiz qanaqa "dostoinstva"larga ega bo'lishi keragligini so'ramoqchi edim.....:)

[Pythagor]

"Smart Woman(Man)" degani nima?:rolleyes: Qo'lida diplomi borimi?:rolleyes:Yoki qiziq suhbatchi, jozibador yo'ldoshmi?:rolleyes:Smart man digani, soppa sog' erkak kishi digani, smart woman diganini bilmadim...

[PHOENIX]

Smart Woman yoki Man degani aqilli qiz yoki ogil bola yana tushinmaganingiz bolsa bemalol

da juda qiziq manga juda yoqdi rahmat

Вот и узнали мы наконец, что означает "Smart woman"... :lool:

А теперь про Женскую Логику, которая сыграла свою роль в вышеуказанном посте :lool::

Я не говорю, что женская логика отстутствует, наоборот, она существует, в доказательство чего могу предяъвить....хмммм...было же какое-то док-во...черт...хммм...ладно, скажу хотя бы, что вот вы не можете отрицать того, чего не видите. Вы же не отрицаете факта, что молекулы не существуют, только потому что вы их не видите. А они существуют. По моему. :lool: :lool: :lool:

[Bonik]

Yana bir gap: "Smart Woman(Man)" degani nima?:rolleyes: Qo'lida diplomi borimi?:rolleyes:Yoki qiziq suhbatchi, jozibador yo'ldoshmi?:rolleyes:


Smart woman:
-Это та женщина которая делает вид что ее муж(возлюбленный) умнее чем она...
- и делает все так, что ее муж думает что все делается по его методу но на самом деле это наоборот. Потому что умная женщина может словами так преподнести, что ее муж в конце концов начинает думать что ее жена констатирует его мысли... и все дела в хозяйстве ведутся по его методам :)
- Умная женщина это та которая всегда старается быть жизнерадостный и не поднимает голоса на любимого; которая никогда не показывается ему в глаза необчесанной или сонной итд. итп.
- это та, которая остается закрытой книгой для любимого на долгое долгое время...

Умный мужик:
- это тот, кто видит что его возлюбленная претворяет в жизнь все перечисленное в параграфе №1 (Smart woman).
- это тот, кто различает разницу между симуляцией оргазма у женщины и настоящим наслаждением у женщины.
- это тот, кто никогда не обидит жену откровенно наглым образом а даст ей понять что "те ошибки которые еще можно исправить еще не ошибки :) " короче минусы любимой он сглаживает юмором.
- это тот, кто не кричит и не рекламирует что "ОН МУЖЧИНА №1" или что "ОН самый сильный или умный" а тот, кто дает своим словам и действиям говорить за себя.

Надеюсь смог ответить.

[Lady_G]

bring it on ,you Jack ass!!!:lol:
PS:control your woman ,let her stop atttacking me !!!
bor sovuq suvga tushib chiq, o'zinga kelvolarsan balkim...:)


Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish

on:
For the woman, the man is a means: the end is always the child.

[PHOENIX]

super!!! eh kakie je mi jenshini idiotki, a mujiki prosto umnichki....:)


insktruktsiya dlya mujchin po prigotovleniyu yayichnitsi:

1. napravitsya na kuhnyu
2. pereputav dver kuhni s dver'yu zala (gde est tv ili pc) eshe raz mislenno nastroitsya na kuhnyu.
3. otkrit holodilnik (on nahoditsya na kuhne).....

Как принимать душ

Как принимать душ, будучи женщиной:
1. Снять одежду и положить ее в соответствующие корзины для
грязного белья (белое с белым, цветное с цветным)
2. Идти в ванную в пеньюаре. Встретившись с мужем или другом,
нервно прикрыть каждую оголенную часть тела и перейти на бег.
3. Посмотреться в зеркало и выпятить живот, чтобы появилась
возможность поплакаться и похныкать по поводу его появления.
4. Встать под душ. Искать губку для лица, губку для рук,
губку для ног, большую губку и пемзу.
5. Первый раз промыть волосы шампунем "Четыре в одном"
лабораторий Гарнье с восмьюдесятью тремя витаминами.
6. Повторно промыть волосы шампунем "Четыре в одном"
лабораторий Гарнье с восмьюдесятью тремя витаминами.
7. Использовать бальзам-ополаскиватель лабораторий Гарнье.
В течение 15 минут не смывать его с волос.
8. Очистить лицо при помощи маски, сделанной из яиц, смешанных
с протертыми абрикосами. Очищать на протяжении 10 минут, или
до появления легкого раздражения.
9. Смыть ополаскиватель (данная операция должна занимать по
меньшей мере 15 минут для полной уверенности в промытости волос)
10. Побрить подмышки и ноги. Посомневаться, не стоит ли подбрить
"под купальник", но, в конечном итоге, довольствоваться эпилирующим
воском.
11. Кричать все что пожелаете, со всей мочи, когда ваш муж
или друг включает воду в каком-нибудь другом месте.
12. Выключить душ.
13. Протереть все влажные детали душа. Побрызгать антибактериальным
спреем поддон душа.
14. Выйти из душа. Вытереться банным полотенцем величиной с две
Франции. Волосы обмотать вторым полотенцем.
15. Обследовать каждую частичку вашего тела на предмет наличия
прыщика. В случае необходимости атаковать его при помощи ногтей
или щипчиков-эпилятора.
16. Вернуться в комнату, завернутой в пеньюар, со своим полотенцем
на голове.
17. Встретившись с мужем или другом, нервно прикрыть каждую
оголенную часть тела и перейти на бег в сторону ванной, где
провести полтора часа за одеванием.



Теперь как принять душ, будучи мужчиной:
1. Снять одежду, усевшись на край кровати. Все бросить в кучу.
2. Идти до ванной голым. Встретившись с женой или подругой,
не забыть со смыслом напрячь перед ней нижнюю часть пресса,
дабы показать, что вы горды своей штуковиной.
3. Посмотреть в зеркало на свой дивный мужской торс и втянуть
живот, чтобы посмотреть накачаны ли у вас брюшные мышцы (ответ - нет).
Повосхищаться размером своего члена, почесать мошонку и уловить
последний след запаха, идущий от ваших пальцев.
4. Встать под душ.
5. Hе искать губку, поскольку вы ей все равно не пользуетесь.
6. Вымыть лицо.
7. Вымыть подмышки.
8. Громко испортить воздух и поразиться мощи и совершенной
акустике душевой кабины.
9. Вымыть хозяйство и прилегающие области.
10. Вымыть собственный зад, оставив, естественно, волосы
оттуда на куске мыла.
11. Взять неважно какой шампунь и вымыть волосы.
12. Отдернуть душевую занавеску и поглядеть в зеркало как вы
смотритесь со всей этой пеной на волосах. Затем закрыть занавеску.
13. Hе забыть пописать.
14. Подмыться.
15. Выйти из душа. Hе заметить всей той воды, что разлилась
по полу из-за того, что вы плохо задернули занавеску.
16. Частично вытереться. Конечно же, оставить душевую занавеску
таким образом, чтобы вода с нее стекала на пол, а не в поддон душа.
17. Посмотреться в зеркало. Hапрячь мускулы, втянуть живот,
Повосхищаться огромными размерами своего пениса и т.д.
18. Hе ополаскивать после себя душевой поддон.
19. Оставить включенными подогрев ванной и свет.
20. Вернуться к своей куче тряпок, оставленных в комнате, просто-
напросто с полотенцем вокруг торса. Встретившись с женой
или подругой, приоткрыть полотенце и предъявить своего приятеля
во всей красе с криком, типа, "Вау! Глянь-ка на красавца!"
21. Бросить мокрое полотенце на кровать. За две минуты одеться в
свою же грязную одежду.

[PHOENIX]

Еще на эту тему:

Как сразить женщину:
Делать ей комплименты.
Уважать ее.
Чтить ее.
Ласкать ее.
Целовать ее.
Заботиться о ней.
Шутить с ней.
Забавлять ее.
Создавать ей уют.
Обнимать ее.
Защищать ее.
Тратить на нее деньги.
Угощать ее едой и выпивкой.
Говорить с ней.
Стоять за ее спиной.
Поддерживать ее.
Доставать для нее звезды с неба.
Приносить ей кофе в постель.
Покупать ей красивое белье.
Внимательно слушать ее.

Как сразить мужчину:
Приготовить пожрать.
Раздеться.

[Lady_G]

Woman was taken out of man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved
truth!http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/5.gif


According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars
http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/67.gif


Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.
false! http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/68.gif


Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember
http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/71.gif


A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't
http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/23.gif


When a man has once loved a woman he will do anything for her except continue to love her hmmm:rolleyes:

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointedhttp://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/29.gif

Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tiredhttp://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/71.gif

Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right, instantlyhttp://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/10.gif


Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship
hicham!http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/47.gif

[Lady_G]

Why is it that men can be bastards and women must wear pearls and smile?I think men are afraid to be with a successful woman, because we are terribly strong, we know what we want and we are not fragile enough.A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/1.gif

[Yaxshibola]

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
manishatiga besh kettim lekin, judam aqlli odsam yozganikin lekin, to'ppa to'g'ri, ayniqsa bizani qizla
:lool:

[Lady_G]

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy." -- Erica Jong


"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman."-- Margaret Thatcher


"Woman was God's second mistake." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
^manusiga "to'ppa to'ri" desala kere ayrim odamlar:)

[StU]

Ten facts, the men know about women:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have tits

[NYyankNY]

Ten facts, the men know about women:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have tits

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: EEE bee gani golgan 9tasi ?

[StU]

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: EEE bee gani golgan 9tasi ?

ehhh NYyankNY-jon, bu joke edi :cool:

[Oyaji]

10. They have tits

Должно быть 1-м пунктом

[Yaxshibola]

no no, pozdravlaem NYankNY, qaragin qizla sani "jon" dishvotti, o'broin yomonamasu a butta :lool:

Maniyam birant qiz jon dimasmikin a :lool:

[NYyankNY]

ehhh NYyankNY-jon, bu joke edi :cool:

Janginam albatta bilaman jokeligini ;)



Yaxshibola sanam Niyatinga yetkin dustim :lol:

[Demir Kağan]

Hahaha.. Hepsi güzeldi.. :)

[Lady_G]

Dictionary for Women

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus, ...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card....
.
.
.
...blah blah blah...

[Lady_G]

Handwriting:

Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.

Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "p" and "g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Groceries:

Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.

Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.

Relationships:

Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

Sex:

Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.

Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.

Maturity:

Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Magazines:

Men: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body.

Women: Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Bathrooms:

Men: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

Women: The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.

Shoes:

Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.

Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.

Cats:

Women: Women love cats.

Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Children:

Women: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.

Men: A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing Up:

Women: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.

Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Laundry:

Women: Women do laundry every couple of days.

Men: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of "Love American Style."

Eating Out:

Men: When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

Women: When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors:

Men: Men are vain and will check themselves out in a mirror.

Women: They are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald guys' heads.

Menopause:

Women: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.

Men: Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Phone:

Men: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.

Women: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Richard Gere:

Women: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.

Men: Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Madonna:

Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.

Toys:

Women: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.

Cameras:

Men: Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes.

Women: Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.

[Lady_G]

Locker Rooms:

Men: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.

Women: They talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Movies:

Women: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man.

Men: The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

Jewelry:

Women: Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

Men: A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Conversation:

Men: Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, "Wow, great movie." or "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size."

Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on.

Leg Warmers:

Women: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.

Men: A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line."

Friends:

Women: Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time.

Men: Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "got any more beer?"

Restrooms:

Women: Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom.

Men: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"

[zanjir]

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.


bekinvolin tez....

[crescent]

Men: Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "got any more beer?"
Believe me some of them speak really too much!

[kingdom]

dam olishdan qaytganingizdan keyin aytishadi!:lol: no no, pozdravlaem NYankNY, qaragin qizla sani "jon" dishvotti, o'broin yomonamasu a butta :lool:

Maniyam birant qiz jon dimasmikin a :lool:

[Lady_G]

A man and woman are having a relationship for about 4 months now. One Friday night, they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then go get some food at a local restaurant near their respective homes. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over.

Her story:


**********
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar last night, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late, but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. So we went to this restaurant and he is still acting a bit funny and I am trying to cheer him up and I start to wonder if it is me or something else. I ask him and he says no. But you know I am not really sure.
Anyway, in the cab back to his house, I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me. I don't know what the hell this means because you know he doesn't say it back or anything. We finally get back to his place and I am wondering if he is going to dump me. So I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV. Reluctantly, I say I am going to go to sleep. Then, after about 10 minutes, he joins me and we have sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave. I don't know, I just don't know, what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else????


His story:


**********

Lousy day at work, low on funds, and tired. Got some action though.

[Lady_G]

10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.

9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.

8. Crying can be fun.

7. FAT CLOTHES.

6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.

5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.

4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.

2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND:

1. OTHER WOMEN! :yes:

[Lady_G]

At long last... The Men’s Guide to what a woman really means when she says something.

Pay close attention (there might be a quiz later).

You want = You want

We need = I want

It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure... go ahead = I don’t want you to.

I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!

You’re ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You’re certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! = I’m on my period.

Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like.

I’ll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re dead.]

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it.

Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

(The answer to "What’s wrong?")

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Everything = My PMS is acting up

Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such an asshole

I don’t want to talk about it = Go away, I’m still building up steam

[Frida]

Lady_G xonim, tinchlikmi? Postlaringiz biroz haligiday, passivemi-ye, avataringiz ham urushayotgan erkak bilan ayolning rasmi :shock:. Legend aka bilan biroz kelishmovchiliklar bo'lyaptimi? Eh?

[Lady_G]

Lady_G xonim, tinchlikmi? Postlaringiz biroz haligiday, passivemi-ye, avataringiz ham urushayotgan erkak bilan ayolning rasmi :shock:. Legend aka bilan biroz kelishmovchiliklar bo'lyaptimi? Eh?
Hamma narsani bilgiz kelursa, qarrib kampir bo'P qolas :twisted: :) .

Avatardagilar rostdanam urishib turibti kim ko'Pro sevadikan deb ;)

-man sevaman
-yo' man ko'pro sevaman
-yo'q man
-man dedim :twisted:
-yo'q man :evil:

:lol:


hullas kuniz yahshi o'Tsin ;)

[Frida]

Hamma narsani bilgiz kelursa, qarrib kampir bo'P qolas :twisted: :) .

Avatardagilar rostdanam urishib turibti kim ko'Pro sevadikan deb ;)

-man sevaman
-yo' man ko'pro sevaman
-yo'q man
-man dedim :twisted:
-yo'q man :evil:

:lol:


hullas kuniz yahshi o'Tsin ;)
Ok, ja razborshiksizde. Gapirginu qoch. :D Tushunarli :)
Sizniki ham, balki uje tuningizdir. Bizda kun endi boshlandi.

[Lady_G]

email: Reason's why it's great to be a woman

Free drinks.
Free dinners.
Free movies.
Speeding ticket? What's that?
New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud.
If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.
You can sleep your way to the top.
You can sue the President for sexual harassment.
It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo.
Brad Pitt.
No one passes out when you take off your shoes.
Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.
If you forget to shave, no one has to know.
If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.
You have the ability to dress yourself.
If you marry someone twenty years younger, you're aware that you look like an idiot.
You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.
You can quickly end any fight by crying.
Your friends won't think you're weird if you ask whether there's spinach in your teeth.
There are times when chocolate really Can solve all your problems.
You've never had a goatee.
You'll never regret piercing your ears.
You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
You get to hate Kathie Lee in the way only another woman truly can.

[Webmaster]

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa.
Half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America.
Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with
cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like India.
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France.
Gently ageing but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the war, haunted
by past mistakes and massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia. Very wide and borders are
unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all
conquering past but alas, no future.
After 70, she becomes like Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but
no
one wants to go there.



THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN


Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick

Konkretniy prikol!! just loved it! Yashavor Vasiliy!!!!

[StU]

Горячая тема: Открылся магазин, где женщины могут выбрать и купить себе мужа. У входа висит свод правил работы магазина следующего содержания.

1. Вы можете посетить магазин ТОЛЬКО ОДИН РАЗ.

2. В магазине 6 этажей, качество мужчин повышается с увеличением порядкового номера этажа.

3. Вы можете выбрать любого мужчину на каком-либо этаже или подняться на верхний этаж.

4. Не разрешается возвращаться на нижний этаж.

Одна женщина решила посетить этот самый "Магазин мужей", чтобы найти себе спутника.

Прочитав у входа на первый этаж вывеску: "Мужчины, имеющие работу", - она идет сразу на второй этаж.

Вывеска на втором этаже: "Мужчины, имеющие работу и любящие детей".

Женщина идет на третий.

Вывеска на третьем этаже: "Мужчины, имеющие работу, любящие детей и необычайно красивые". "Ух ты! " - подумала женщина, но все же пошла на четвертый этаж.

Вывеска на четвертом этаже: "Мужчины, имеющие работу, любящие детей, ослепительной красоты и помогающие по дому".

- Невероятно! - воскликнула женщина. - Мне очень трудно устоять!

Но, произнеся это, все же поднимается на пятый этаж.

Вывеска на пятом этаже: "Мужчины, имеющие работу, любящие детей, ослепительной красоты, помогающие по дому и очень романтичные".

Женщине очень захотелось остаться на этом этаже и выбрать себе пару, но все же она, преодолев себя, пошла на последний этаж.

И на шестом этаже она читает вывеску вот такого содержания: "Вы на этом этаже посетительница 31 456 012, здесь нет мужчин, этот этаж существует лишь для того, чтобы лишний раз доказать, что женщину удовлетворить невозможно. Благодарим за посещение нашего магазина!"

А прямо напротив этого магазина был открыт "Магазин жен". На первом этаже находятся женщины, любящие заниматься сексом. На втором - богатые женщины, любящие заниматься сексом. А на этажи с третьего по шестой ТАК НИКТО НИ РАЗУ И НЕ ЗАШЕЛ.

[Lady_G]

Husband: (Returning late from work) "Good Evening Dear, I`m now logged in."

Wife: Have you brought the grocery?
Husband: Bad command or filename.

Wife: But I told you in the morning!
Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort?

Wife: What about my new TV?
Husband: Variable not found ...

Wife: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied...

Wife: Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?
Husband: Too many parameters...

Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband: Data type mismatch.

Wife: You are useless.
Husband: It's by Default.

Wife: What about your Salary?
Husband: File in use ... Try later.

Wife: By the way who was in the car this morning ?
Husband: System is unstable. Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to reboot.

Wife: What is my value in the family.
Husband: Unknown Virus

[Lady_G]

http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/6240/manrr9.gif

[munisa]

loooooooool

[Lady_G]

Ева: Господи, сделай так, чтобы мне не было так скучно!

Бог: Хорошо. Я создам тебе друга. Это будет сильное и похотливое животное, оно будет охотиться, играть в азартные игры, употреблять горячительные напитки, а вечерами ублажать тебя.

Ева: Да! Да! Господи!

Бог: Но я буду вынужден дать тебе ещё одну заповедь: никогда не говори ему, что я создал тебя первой!

[Earth.uz]

LAdy_G uzini uzi hursand qivotti :) :) :) :)

[Lady_G]

LAdy_G uzini uzi hursand qivotti :) :) :) :)
Yo'g'e, man faqat sizlarga haqiqatni yozvomman :) ;) .
Bundan sizni kayfiyatingiz tushgan bo'lsa uzr!

[Earth.uz]

аслида кайфиятни кўтарди


Ева: Да! Да! Господи!


шуниси ёқди.:)

агарда қуйидаги кўринишда бўлганда ишонардим.


Ева: Да! Да! Господи! О Да! О Да! Да! Да!


п.с. бизсиз қаёққа борардила!!!

[Lady_G]

п.с. бизсиз қаёққа борардила!!!Ko'Zizi yuming, tasavvur qiling dunyoda ayollar bo'masada, qayerga qaramang erkela bo'sa!
(Agarda vizual'nyj bo'lsangiz undan ham yahshi!!) :D
ENdi esa ko'Zizi oching. Qale? Yoqtimi manzara? :D

P.S.: Bizsiz qayergayam borardizla ;) :cool: .

[Пушкарева]

Aqlizga balli, Lady!


Ko'Zizi yuming, tasavvur qiling dunyoda ayollar bo'masada, qayerga qaramang erkela bo'sa!
(Agarda vizual'nyj bo'lsangiz undan ham yahshi!!) :D
ENdi esa ko'Zizi oching. Qale? Yoqtimi manzara? :D

P.S.: Bizsiz qayergayam borardizla ;) :cool: .

[UzbekGirlie]

Ko'Zizi yuming, tasavvur qiling dunyoda ayollar bo'masada, qayerga qaramang erkela bo'sa!
(Agarda vizual'nyj bo'lsangiz undan ham yahshi!!) :D
ENdi esa ko'Zizi oching. Qale? Yoqtimi manzara? :D

P.S.: Bizsiz qayergayam borardizla ;) :cool: .

I agree... I actually watched this movie called Matrubhoomi: A Nation Without Women... And the world without women is a discusting... I think this is a movie every sexist should watch and realize our contributions to the world...

[Mirzabek]

shu yerdayam erkak ayol munosabati....tovba tovba

omadla

[MUHLIS]

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT. Thanks

Remake of the "math" according to Uzbek reality:
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = divorce
Smart man + dumb woman = poverty
Dumb man + smart woman = constant conflicts
Dumb man + dumb woman = qaynona dominance

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = impossible
Smart boss + dumb employee = ideal “team”
Dumb boss + smart employee = fired employee
Dumb boss + dumb employee = average “team”

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he or his Nexia needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that her kids need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman never worries about her health until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about weight gain until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than he pays for “gap”s and “maishat”s.
A successful woman is one who can find non-smoker and non-drinker man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must get rid of your self-esteem and give birth for a boy.
To be happy with a woman, you must marry the girl your Mommy chose for you.

LONGEVITY
Married men die earlier than women leaving them with all the problems of funerals and inheritance.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will love her forever, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she will be his free servant, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A man has the last word in any argument.
Anything a woman says after that is the beginning of a beating.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after my mother started doing the same thing to their sons.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT. Thanks

[Royal]

Умный мужчина умная женщина = легкий флирт.
Умный мужчина тупая женщина = мать-одиночка.
Тупой мужчина умная женщина = нормальная семья.
Тупой мужчина тупая женщина = мать-героиня.

[StU]

Перечень женского оружия от А до Я

Аэробика – вид самоистязания, применяемый женщинами для достижения идеальной формы тела; пользуется большой популярностью в преддверии пляжного сезона. Суть методики заключается в добровольном истязании организма физическими упражнениями, в результате которого женщина хорошеет настолько, что мужчины сами собой падают к ее ногам.

Восьмое марта – такой замечательный день, когда самое малое, что ты можешь требовать от мужчины на законных основаниях – это кофе в постель.

Грудь – это многофункциональная часть женского тела, приспособленная как для вскармливания потомства, так и для привлечения мужского внимания. Мужики – они ж, как дети, жить без женской груди не могут!

Диета – еще один вид самоистязания, применяется вместо (или вместе) аэробики. Пример типовой диеты: три раза взглянуть на хлеб - завтрак, послушать балладу о пицце – обед, понюхать курицу-гриль - ужин. Рекомендуется накануне отпуска.

Ёшкин кот! – краткое выражение, полный эквивалент которого означает «милый, ну почему ты постоянно все делаешь не так, как я прошу!».

Животик – самая вредная часть женского тела, норовящая отвиснуть и испортить фигуру в самый ответственный момент. В центре животика располагается пуп, часто инкрустированный пирсингом.

Замужество – как правило, конечная цель женщины во взаимоотношениях с мужчиной, ради которой и плетутся любовные сети, расставляются силки, а также посещаются фитнес-центры и модные салоны. Достижение этой цели осложняется верткостью мужчин и их природным эгоизмом.

Истерика – один из мощнейших видов женского оружия. По ударной мощи и радиусу воздействия сравнимо с биологическим, поэтому применять его следует аккуратно, тщательно продумывая цель нанесения удара и возможные последствия.

Ййййееесссс! – победный клич индейцев каманчей, а также любой нормальной женщины, заполучившей давно желаемое.

Косметика – накладная красота женщины; используется как средство искусственной мимикрии.

Любовь – муси-пуси, тоси-боси, трали-вали и даже джага-джага в зависимости от ситуации и индивидуальных особенностей.

Макияж - боевая раскраска, которая наносится на лицо непосредственно перед охотой на мужчину.

Ноги – красивое средство передвижения. Логически вытекают из попы и в комплексе с ней действуют на мужчин гипнотически.

Попа – стратегически важная часть женского тела, расположенная между спиной и ногами. Является объектом особого внимания мужчин, поэтому при охоте на мужчину имеет, чуть ли не первостепенное значение.

Роман – бывает служебный, курортный и Абрамович. Служебный обычно приключается между начальником и бюстом в его приемной, курортный возникает от нечего делать «на югах». Ни тот, ни другой к загсу, как правило, не приводят. Самый выгодный роман – это Абрамович, но он бывает в Англии и уже безнадежно потерян, т.к. глубоко женат.

Секс – процесс достижения физиологического удовольствия, для которого, как минимум, нужен приличный партнер мужского пола, а как максимум – уединенное бунгало на берегу Тихого океана и страстный супермачо в постели.

Талия – по замыслу автора-создателя должна быть самым узким местом женского тела. Однако в реальности ее состояние напрямую зависит от правильности эксплуатации каждого конкретного изделия.

Ух, ты! – возглас восхищения, издаваемый мужчиной при виде всей женщины целиком или некоторых частей ее тела. Возглас «Ух, ты!» свидетельствует о том, что мужчина заглотил наживку, и осталось только умело подсечь, чтобы он не сорвался.

Фигура – совокупность выпуклостей и впуклостей женского тела, на которые «клюет» мужчина. Фигура бывает идеальной, хорошей или не очень хорошей. Идеальная фигура в природе встречается редко и, в основном, только у памятников. Хорошая фигура – наиболее распространенный вариант: ты еще не Венера Милосская, но уже и на пляже раздеться нестыдно. Не очень хорошая фигура – это фигура, спасти которую может либо фитнес, либо умелая драпировка.

Хитрость – характерное качество женщины, появившееся в процессе эволюции как результат естественного отбора; используется в неравной борьбе с мужским эгоизмом.

Целомудрие – анахронизм, истинное значение которого в 21 веке напрочь утеряно.

Шоппинг – наряду с сексом, один из женских способов получения удовольствия. Во время шоппинга женщина, как правило, одевается, в то время как при занятии сексом наблюдается обратный процесс.

Щас (или «щас, ага») – классическая форма прямолинейного отказа на нескромные притязания неинтересных мужчин.

Ъ (твердый или очень твердый знак) – это знак, принадлежащий мужчине, но целиком и полностью относящийся к женщине. Твердый знак свидетельствует о том, что мужчина настолько очарован твоей красотой, что готов немедленно перейти от слов к делу.

Ы-ы-ы! – возглас досады или разочарования, издаваемый женщиной, когда из-под ее носа уводят желаемую кофточку, сумочку или, реже, мужчину.

(мягкий знак) – полная противоположность твердому знаку.

Эрогенная зона – такое место женского тела, прикосновение к которому умелыми мужскими руками на некоторое время лишает женщину способности соображать.

Юбка – предмет женской одежды. Длина юбок варьирует от макси-пояса до юбок «в пол» в зависимости от степени красивости ног.

Я - это сама женщина со всеми ее несомненными достоинствами и полнейшим отсутствием недостатков (с)