Pointers on Choosing Marriage Partners

[SmIlIk]

In light of the experience of the past years, it is time to take stock and try to halt the ever-mounting tide of divorces among Muslims. It is not unusual today to find Muslim women (and even an occasional Muslim man) who, by the time they are 30 or 35, have been married three or four times, their children suffering again and again through the trauma of fatherless and broken homes. Accordingly, we may list a few essential points to be considered by both brothers and sisters in the process of choosing a partner in life (although the masculine pronoun has been used throughout for the sake of simplicity, the following is generally equally applicable to both men and women).

Read Here (http://www.nikah.com/marriage/choosing_lifepartner.asp)

[Dadasi]

In light of the experience of the past years, it is time to take stock and try to halt the ever-mounting tide of divorces among Muslims. It is not unusual today to find Muslim women (and even an occasional Muslim man) who, by the time they are 30 or 35, have been married three or four times, their children suffering again and again through the trauma of fatherless and broken homes. Accordingly, we may list a few essential points to be considered by both brothers and sisters in the process of choosing a partner in life (although the masculine pronoun has been used throughout for the sake of simplicity, the following is generally equally applicable to both men and women).

Read Here (http://www.nikah.com/marriage/choosing_lifepartner.asp)
tnkx 4 the article, by the way:
I think the Author of this article Rabiah Hakeem, based on some particular nations and brought those information. Ofcourse its bad of those particular nations to behave so. But the rest of the article seems to be ok, I just reviewed it quickly.

regards

[Delf]

... posted by Smilik...

ironic, isn't it?

Delf.

[SmIlIk]

... posted by Smilik...

ironic, isn't it?

Delf.

What is so ironic about it? I find this article very interesting and thought people find it useful. IF you see hidden messages in between the lines, you are welcome to enlighten me.

[infolife]

In light of the experience of the past years, it is time to take stock and try to halt the ever-mounting tide of divorces among Muslims. It is not unusual today to find Muslim women (and even an occasional Muslim man) who, by the time they are 30 or 35, have been married three or four times, their children suffering again and again through the trauma of fatherless and broken homes. Accordingly, we may list a few essential points to be considered by both brothers and sisters in the process of choosing a partner in life (although the masculine pronoun has been used throughout for the sake of simplicity, the following is generally equally applicable to both men and women).

Read Here (http://www.nikah.com/marriage/choosing_lifepartner.asp)

I beleive those muslims disussed here are the ones who were either born/or live in the west. I've seen lots divorced muslims in the UK and I think this is cos of the lack of knowledge of the marital issues in Islam. If the couples know their duties and responsibilties as beleiving husband and beleiving wife then they are more likely to have successful marriage

Cos the Saudi has the lowest rate in divorce and followed by most muslim countries as well. As you might know, it's cultural stigma to get divorced so most women try to stick to their men whatsoever happens in their lives.

The divorce rate in general has been 41-51% in the US the last few years whereas it's only 15-20% in Saudi.

So the unsuccessful marriages that has been said in the article apply to those muslims who live in west.

.

[SmIlIk]

1. I suggest that both of them be conscious of their personal appearance and try to remain attractive to each other. It is not uncommon that women dress and put on make-up when they go out, but don't do the same when they are inside to please their husbands. Similarly, when men want their wives to be very attractive-looking, they should also look at their own appearance and especially their physical appearance so that they will be pleasing to their wives. Both of them live in a society in which there are too many temptations outside the home and, therefore, they should not give any chance to others to succumb to such temptations.


2. 1 suggest both of them be companions to each other rather than the role of the boss and the one who is being bossed or upper-hand or lower- hand. If the two wheels of a vehicle are of the same diameter, same air pressure, then the car will go in a straight line, otherwise it will not. So, I suggest they be each other's friend more than being their bed partner.


3. When they do commit mistakes or injustice to each other, they should admit it and be forgiven. They should be gentle in criticism and generous in appreciation. They should never bring up their past because it is like undoing the dressing and starting the wound fresh.


4. They should mind their language. Sometimes we say things which we don't mean but it hurts other people. As the poet says, "The wounds of blade many heal one day, but the wounds of tongue never heal." So before we says something, we should think how these words will affect the other person or if we are the recipient of those words, how we would feel.


5. They should have a sense of humor. One woman describes her husband in this way, that many men had proposed to me and they liked me, but I chose him as my mate for the rest of my life because he makes me laugh all the time. Life is too short to be too serious. If we have a smile for each other when we greet each other and. a word of kindness and of compassion, it has a lasting effect. Again the poet says, "The sweet words of kindness and sweet words of love make this world happy like heaven above."


6. Both of them should share household duties together. It is not fair that women are used as a cook and as a maid and as a babysitter while men enjoy all outdoor and outside of the home social activities. The Prophet (PBUH), always helped his wife in household work and he was an example for us.


7. They should find occasions to give each other a gift or flowers or candy, whatever a small thing that may be. This is not a western concept. In fact, the Prophet has stressed that we should give gifts to each other because "giving gifts" increases mutual love.


8. Wives should recognize the economic means of their husbands and should not put any demand on him that he cannot bear. If they do, he will either refuse or find wrong means to earn extra income to meet her demands and both of which will have wrong results.


9. They should be equally involved in community work and efforts. It is not appropriate that mothers have to bring children for Sunday school while fathers stay home to watch football games. If learning Islam is good for children, it is good for mothers and it is also good for fathers.


10. In matters of sex, both them should be available to each other without putting an extra burden on either one. Thus, the Prophet (PBUH), was a very modern man. He encouraged foreplay. In a Tradition, he has said, "It is not appropriate that you fall upon your wives like a beast but you must send a message of love beforehand." Men and women both have physiological desires. Each should respect the likes and dislikes of each other. We should respect each others privacy because each of us needs some time, moments of privacy, to be alone with our body or with our mind.

11. Finally, they should have meals together and the occasions for meals should be happy occasions for the whole family and not a time for arguments. If they are going to argue, they should do so later on and not in front of their children but separately. Each argument should end with some _expression of love. It is recommended that they should never go to bed mad at each other. If we respect each other the same way we like to be respected, it will increase our trust and love and hopefully, we will realize that God, who has promised to put love in our heart, has done it.

[Abu Hurayra]

P.S.: Nimaga MDN boardida thread ochilsa erkela 1nchi bo'lib chopib kelishadila? :)
Chunki Erkaklar ba'zilar uylaganidek "Egoist" emas!
Ular ayollar haqida ko'p uylaydi, qayg'uradi ;)

hardoimgidek hurmat va ehtirom bilan Mazlum

[Martingale]

P.S.: Nimaga MDN boardida thread ochilsa erkela 1nchi bo'lib chopib kelishadila? :)

uzi erkaklar kep post qisin deb ochishadide kup threadlarni.:D

[Qizil-Gul]

Accordingly, we may list a few essential points to be considered by both brothers and sisters in the process of choosing a partner in life

I do not think these are essential points for those who are in process of choosing a partner inlife. These points may be somewhat essential after marriage.

But you know what I believe "real" educated muslims who live and apply each and every islamic knowledge in each and ever aspect of their lives, already doing great in their marriages, than "these essential points" are trying to describe. They are taking example of Prophet (s.a.v)'s life and have more then enough to be happy in this life. For both man and women...

[SmIlIk]

I do not think these are essential points for those who are in process of choosing a partner inlife. These points may be somewhat essential after marriage.

But you know what I believe "real" educated muslims who live and apply each and every islamic knowledge in each and ever aspect of their lives, already doing great in their marriages, than "these essential points" are trying to describe. They are taking example of Prophet (s.a.v)'s life and have more then enough to be happy in this life. For both man and women...

You are absolutely right.

Somewhat? I would think about it again, If I were you. We are muslims but we are also human beings. Some Sakhabas gone through divorce too, that didn't make them less muslim.

[Qizil-Gul]

Divorce is something that Allah Subhanahu Taala hates most but made halal, actually only one thing that is halal and that Almighty does not want, which is the greatest thing on the comtamporary that makes Iblis the happiest.

Yes, we are human beings that's why we can be ranked the hightest then angels or go lower then animals. Our nefis wantes always something more, something better...

Yes, there were divorces among companions, but it does not mean that we should take those divorces as an exapmle and say "hey it does not make them less mulsims it won't make us less muslims", but still if you would like take an exapmle then you can take it as lesson to make sure you will not do t in your life...

And last but not the least, if people with the best intentions of marriage come together in halal circumstances and talk over about their future, presenet, about their personalities openly, and they know each other's past and islamic knowledge and ihlas from trstworthy sources. If they decide to get married for sake of Allah to do together good deeds, trust me biiznillahi Subhanahu Taala, Allah will give them peace, and I know that they will try to follow good life style and personality of Prophet (s.a.v) and be happy as long as they do it.

I have hundreds of hundreds of couple friends all over the country, who's marriages I would think were recited in heavens...

But one more thing to mention, life always has and will have ups and downs, it cannot be as perfect as would like to see it all the time, our husbands may not be as perfect as we ant in all circumstances, we may not be as good as they want us to be all the time, but if we will try to make someting a problem and run to divoce, Allah knows we will fine so many reasons according to our nefis and sheytan. If we are in a marriage we need to be patient towards things that we do not like and pray for them Allah (j.j) will help us, even if we will not get rewarded in this life He will leave it for us for hearafter... Ad we should always look at what's below us not what is higher us, then we will learn to appreciate what we have, maybe we have the best, but we could not see it...

Good luck...

[SmIlIk]

Qizil-gul,

I have no intentions of arguing with you. Infact I agree with you 100%. But the atricle you pointed out saying -doesn't carry much of an importance- states the same things you counted...that's all.


Laters

[Mirzabek]

SMILIK qalesiz...koptan beri gaplashmadik....

hayot yaxshimi ishalringiz...eskilardan siz men va Royal koptide....
Cry Diamond va Lia Flame qayerda bilmaysimi???

omadla

P:S I have married and I don not have any probs...thanks

[ferdon]

1. I suggest that both of them be conscious of their personal appearance and try to remain attractive to each other. It is not uncommon that women dress and put on make-up when they go out, but don't do the same when they are inside to please their husbands. Similarly, when men want their wives to be very attractive-looking, they should also look at their own appearance and especially their physical appearance so that they will be pleasing to their wives. Both of them live in a society in which there are too many temptations outside the home and, therefore, they should not give any chance to others to succumb to such temptations.


2. 1 suggest both of them be companions to each other rather than the role of the boss and the one who is being bossed or upper-hand or lower- hand. If the two wheels of a vehicle are of the same diameter, same air pressure, then the car will go in a straight line, otherwise it will not. So, I suggest they be each other's friend more than being their bed partner.


3. When they do commit mistakes or injustice to each other, they should admit it and be forgiven. They should be gentle in criticism and generous in appreciation. They should never bring up their past because it is like undoing the dressing and starting the wound fresh.


4. They should mind their language. Sometimes we say things which we don't mean but it hurts other people. As the poet says, "The wounds of blade many heal one day, but the wounds of tongue never heal." So before we says something, we should think how these words will affect the other person or if we are the recipient of those words, how we would feel.


5. They should have a sense of humor. One woman describes her husband in this way, that many men had proposed to me and they liked me, but I chose him as my mate for the rest of my life because he makes me laugh all the time. Life is too short to be too serious. If we have a smile for each other when we greet each other and. a word of kindness and of compassion, it has a lasting effect. Again the poet says, "The sweet words of kindness and sweet words of love make this world happy like heaven above."


6. Both of them should share household duties together. It is not fair that women are used as a cook and as a maid and as a babysitter while men enjoy all outdoor and outside of the home social activities. The Prophet (PBUH), always helped his wife in household work and he was an example for us.


7. They should find occasions to give each other a gift or flowers or candy, whatever a small thing that may be. This is not a western concept. In fact, the Prophet has stressed that we should give gifts to each other because "giving gifts" increases mutual love.


8. Wives should recognize the economic means of their husbands and should not put any demand on him that he cannot bear. If they do, he will either refuse or find wrong means to earn extra income to meet her demands and both of which will have wrong results.


9. They should be equally involved in community work and efforts. It is not appropriate that mothers have to bring children for Sunday school while fathers stay home to watch football games. If learning Islam is good for children, it is good for mothers and it is also good for fathers.


10. In matters of sex, both them should be available to each other without putting an extra burden on either one. Thus, the Prophet (PBUH), was a very modern man. He encouraged foreplay. In a Tradition, he has said, "It is not appropriate that you fall upon your wives like a beast but you must send a message of love beforehand." Men and women both have physiological desires. Each should respect the likes and dislikes of each other. We should respect each others privacy because each of us needs some time, moments of privacy, to be alone with our body or with our mind.

11. Finally, they should have meals together and the occasions for meals should be happy occasions for the whole family and not a time for arguments. If they are going to argue, they should do so later on and not in front of their children but separately. Each argument should end with some _expression of love. It is recommended that they should never go to bed mad at each other. If we respect each other the same way we like to be respected, it will increase our trust and love and hopefully, we will realize that God, who has promised to put love in our heart, has done it.
first of all ,I wanna ask !! for whom are those pointers ?for people who get married or those who don't ? because what you wrote here sounded more like "pointers on how to keep your marriage going on !!

[SmIlIk]

SMILIK qalesiz...koptan beri gaplashmadik....

hayot yaxshimi ishalringiz...eskilardan siz men va Royal koptide....
Cry Diamond va Lia Flame qayerda bilmaysimi???

omadla

P:S I have married and I don not have any probs...thanks

Nice to hear that :) Crazy Dimond onda sonda kirib tursa kerak, gaplashib turaman. Lekin Liani anchadan beri ko'rmadim, yaxshi yurgan bo'lsa bas.

SMLK

[SmIlIk]

first of all ,I wanna ask !! for whom are those pointers ?for people who get married or those who don't ? because what you wrote here sounded more like "pointers on how to keep your marriage going on !!

second post was to get it going, first post of mine on this thread is about "choosing MP"

laterz