Read and heed: Men's Rules

[The Reaper]

:D

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.


Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.[

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.[


TR

[Lady_G]

xa-xa-xa :twisted: :lol:

иногда я вас всех так ненавижу! :evil: :lol:

[crescent]

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.
Yeah! This one is true indeed! Everyone likes my hair! ;)

[Magnolia]

And one thing I've noticed...men love when women wear their hair down,i.e. natural look, at least thats what i've been told MANY times...:rolleyes:

[kingdom]

yeah u r right!I like it , too!:lol: And one thing I've noticed...men love when women wear their hair down,i.e. natural look, at least thats what i've been told MANY times...:rolleyes:

[kingdom]

mana shu joyi yoqdida manga!:lol:





BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.[

[Magnolia]

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.


ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.


how true :rolleyes: :lol:

[Lady_G]

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
What do men and beer bottles have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up!

[Lady_G]

If Men Got Pregnant:

Maternity leave would last two years, with full pay.

There would be a cure for stretch marks.

Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.

All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.

All children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

They wouldn't think twins were so cute.

Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 pm.

Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.

Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.

They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.

Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees.

Women would rule the world. :twisted:

[Lady_G]

1. Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.

2. Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.

3. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already
there.

4. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time,who would reach the ground first?
The woman, the man would get lost.

5. How are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both
last about 60 seconds.

6. How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a
bikini.

7. What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

8. What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.

9. What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

10. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind. 2. No business.

11. What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.

12. If men got pregnant ....
Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available
in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

13. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the
Olympics?
He had it bronzed.

14. What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.

15. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake
the stove.

16. How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."

17. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

18. What does a man consider to be quality time with his wife?
Pulling the sheets over her head and saying, "Great chili, Babe!"

19. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of
35 think of?
Dating children.

20. What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

21. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

22. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

23. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

24. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the
circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

25. What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.

26. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.

27. Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.

28. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half
the time.

29. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

30. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

[SmIlIk]

"Houston, We have a problem" (c) Apollo 13 :lol:

Oh boy, Oh boy :D

[The Reaper]

Ahh women... Their claws aiming for your throat when you dare stating FACTS. :D

In your world, feelings and heart are given much more credibility than facts. Same old, "what if YOU got pregnant" argument, just like a broken record.
The other old one is "If women ruled the world there would be no wars!". LMAO

BTW, here's one more rule for you ladies:
Never, ever ever take advice on men from another woman. Women, generally, don't know WTF they are talking about when it comes to men.

TR

[SmIlIk]

Ahh women... Their claws aiming for your throat when you dare stating FACTS. :D

In your world, feelings and heart are given much more credibility than facts. Same old, "what if YOU got pregnant" argument, just like a broken record.
The other old one is "If women ruled the world there would be no wars!". LMAO

BTW, here's one more rule for you ladies:
Never, ever ever take advice on men from another woman. Women, generally, don't know WTF they are talking about when it comes to men.

TR

If every women followed your so called guidelines, world would be the utmost boring place :) Reality check; your facts may not be true for every other man.

P.S. What if you got pregnant? :lol:

[The Reaper]

If every women followed your so called guidelines, world would be the utmost boring place :) Reality check; your facts may not be true for every other man.

P.S. What if you got pregnant? :lol:
No if women followed these rules they would lessen chances of their men running away to other women.
My facts are true for at least 90%.

It's just today, in America, men are just couple of steps away from becoming giant walking vaginas, due to the fact it almost became politically incorrect to be a man. Same trend I see in other countries. Commercials, reality shows, soap operas are making men put their balls in women's purses! And the younger generation are total pussies, who think copying some ball-less character from one of those shows will help them get laid. Same goes to guys growing up with their single mothers - they lose whatever manliness they have due to mom's teachings on how to treat a woman like "a princess". As I always say, there are exceptions to everything.

As a result, when there's someone stating things as they should be, he gets booed and attacked, although, deep inside, people agree with everything he says. It's those nazi-feminists, and the dumbass media you gotta watch out for.

What if I got pregnant? I wouldn't, for obvious reasons.

TR

[SmIlIk]

1. Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.

2. Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.

3. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already
there.

4. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time,who would reach the ground first?
The woman, the man would get lost.

5. How are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both
last about 60 seconds.

6. How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a
bikini.

7. What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

8. What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.

9. What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

10. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind. 2. No business.

11. What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.

12. If men got pregnant ....
Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available
in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

13. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the
Olympics?
He had it bronzed.

14. What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.

15. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake
the stove.

16. How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."

17. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

18. What does a man consider to be quality time with his wife?
Pulling the sheets over her head and saying, "Great chili, Babe!"

19. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of
35 think of?
Dating children.

20. What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

21. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

22. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

23. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

24. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the
circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

25. What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.

26. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.

27. Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.

28. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half
the time.

29. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

30. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

I just love it, JUST love it :)

[Magnolia]

Smells like war between genders :lol: ...

[PainKiller]

Smells like war between genders :lol: ...I hurry to say, Men are to win the war, if there is one.;)

[crescent]

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Hate handbags! Just backbags!:)

[Lady_G]

Why did God make men first and then decide to do the female human???

Because everyone knows that first we experiment and than comes perfection. :twisted: :lol:

[Lady_G]

I just love it, JUST love it :)hursandman yoqqan bo'sa:)
Bormisiz? Yo'q bo'Lib ketudiz?:rolleyes:
'velkambek' endi ;)
I hurry to say, Men are to win the war, if there is one.;)
hehehe biz ayollarni yengadigan erke dunyoga kemagan hali :twisted: ;)

[Asadbek]

Ayollar shaharga chiqib, aylanib kelishibdi. :)
Qarashsa, Erkaklar dunyo yangiliklari haqida suhbatlashib o'tirishgan ekan.
Ayollar pichir-pichir qilishib, so'ng erkaklarga qarab murojaat qilishibdi:


Why did God make men first and then decide to do the female human???

Because everyone knows that first we experiment and than comes perfection. :twisted: :lol:
Davra qurib o'tirgan Erkaklar miyig'ida jilmayib, javob berishibdi:



Olloh taola avvalambor Bizni yaratgan,
Bizni yolg'iz yurmasin, deb, Sizni yaratgan!


Keyin muhtarama ayollar ovqat qilishga unnab ketishibdi.
;) :)

[Royal]

Bekni postiga qoshimcha:

Ayollarni ayiblamanglar, ular yomonmas, balkim Biz erkaklar yomonmiz
shuning uchun Aollarni erkaklarni jazolash uchun yuborishgan !!!

"They not bad, we are bad, just they been send to punish us" that all.

[Magnolia]

I hurry to say, Men are to win the war, if there is one.;)

Oh but what will your men do without women then...:lol:

[Legend]

Oh but what will you men do without women then...:lol:
Nosha, Painkiller IS a woman.

[Magnolia]

Nosha, Painkiller IS a woman.

I guess you didnt pay attention to Oh but what will your men do without women then... :lol:

[Legend]

I guess you didnt pay attention to :lol:

Ne horosho svoi slova menyat :) : Last edited by Nosha : Today at 06:02 AM.
http://forum.arbuz.com/images/statusicon/user_online.gif

;)

P.S. And look at my post #24, You know wa I am sayin' ;)

[Magnolia]

Ooops,made a mistake while typing ,didn't see till Legend quoted it out...meant "your" instead of "you"...tried to change to it but was caught in the act :lol:

[Legend]

Ooops,made a mistake while typing ,didn't see till Legend quoted it out...meant "your" instead of "you"...tried to change to it but was caught in the act :lol:Yeeeeep :D .

[crescent]

Ooops,made a mistake while typing ,didn't see till Legend quoted it out...meant "your" instead of "you"...tried to change to it but was caught in the act :lol:
Caught red-handed I see. ;)

[Demir Kağan]

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

It's a crap when ladies trying to give hints, just say it! Say!

[crescent]

It's a crap when ladies trying to give hints, just say it! Say!
Don't be so strict. It's in our nature, as the rule "hints doesn't work" is in urs. What can we do?;)

[SmIlIk]

I think guys should learn taking ladies as they are. Trying to change her and set up oddless rules for everything is not only going to ruin her life but push her to make your life misrable, too. Even if you will want certain things done, first consider what you can offer her from your side.

Once you join your life lines with your mate, at some point, it becomes all about sacrifices, mutual understanding and patience. Dont forget that there is no perfect person for you out there. You snooze it, you lose it.

[NozChik]

I think guys should learn taking ladies as they are. Trying to change her and set up oddless rules for everything is not only going to ruin her life but push her to make your life misrable, too. Even if you will want certain things done, first consider what you can offer her from your side.

Once you join your life lines with your mate, at some point, it becomes all about sacrifices, mutual understanding and patience. Dont forget that there is no perfect person for you out there. You snooze it, you lose it.

Juda zur gap bulubti:).
Guys nezadavalili vi sebe odin vopros. Ponravetsya li vam eto je devushka kotoruyu vi tak lubite posle togo kak vi eyo hotite vse izmenit tipo podstroit pod sebya chtoli:( Ona je nikogda potom nebudet toe devushkoe kotoruyu vi vstretili i polyubili, naturalnoe kakaya ona bila. ;)

[Demir Kağan]

I think guys should learn taking ladies as they are. Trying to change her and set up oddless rules for everything is not only going to ruin her life but push her to make your life misrable, too. Even if you will want certain things done, first consider what you can offer her from your side.

Once you join your life lines with your mate, at some point, it becomes all about sacrifices, mutual understanding and patience. Dont forget that there is no perfect person for you out there. You snooze it, you lose it.

Well, if we do not accept the ladies as they are, then we lose them. This is an experience. I am not saying ladies are bad, it's not worth to talk to them about anything. It is worth, it was and it will. But this does not change the reality of ladies makin' us go crazy.

My love phylosophy is: "Love, Respect and Understand."

[SmIlIk]

hursandman yoqqan bo'sa:)
Bormisiz? Yo'q bo'Lib ketudiz?:rolleyes:
'velkambek' endi ;)

hehehe biz ayollarni yengadigan erke dunyoga kemagan hali :twisted: ;)
Shu, shu :) Shu yerlardaman, sizni boringizga shukur lekin :)

[kingdom]

hehe!bu bilan birinchi mahsulot brak chiqadi demoqchimisiz?:lol: :twisted: Why did God make men first and then decide to do the female human???

Because everyone knows that first we experiment and than comes perfection. :twisted: :lol:

[kingdom]

qushimcha AYOL kishi erkakning qaeridan yaralganligi esingizdan chiqmasin oposi!:lol: Why did God make men first and then decide to do the female human???

Because everyone knows that first we experiment and than comes perfection. :twisted: :lol:

[Lady_G]

email:
Men are like....Animals
Messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but occasionally make great pets.

Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like....Beer.
The first sip is always bitter.
No matter how many varieties you try, they are essentially the same; tasteless, full of bubbles, destabilize your metabolism and give you a headache, but somehow they linger and you either can't finish one or you can't get enough.

Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like....Bras.
They offer light, medium and complete support. Men are like....Buses.
They come every 15 minutes.

Men are like....Buses.
They have spare tires and smell funny.

Men are like....Computers.
And a smart woman keeps a backup.

Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like.....Fires.
They go out if unattended!

Men are like....Fine wine. They start out as grapes.
It's our job to stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature.
And hopefully they'll turn out to be something we would like to have dinner with.

Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion

Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like....Oreos.
Once you eat the cream they aren't good anymore!

Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table

Men are like.....Recliners.
You pull the lever and they lay back

Men are like....Teeth.
You ignore them - you lose them.

Husbands are like....Children
They're fine if they're someone else's.

[PHOENIX]

email:
Men are like....Animals
Messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but occasionally make great pets.

Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like....Beer.........


Ok then... ;)

The most perfect woman must be at a height of 3 feets and have rectangle head.
3 feets height - for oral sex while you stand.
A rectangle head - to put beer on it. :twisted:

PS: I heard it yesterday from one of friends of mine.

[Lady_G]

Ok then... ;)

The most perfect woman must be at a height of 3 feets and have rectangle head.
A rectangle head - to put beer on it.
3 feets height - for oral sex while you stand.

PS: I heard it yesterday from one of friends of mine.beer..blah blah blah..beer..blah blah..beeer...

What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up! :twisted:

[zanjir]

my gpandpa said before when he was alive:
never ever run after buses and women because u never get them, just wait for the other one they arrive in next five minuts.

ps: we are not an animal:(

[PHOENIX]

beer..blah blah blah..beer..blah blah..beeer...

What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up! :twisted:

Not every beer bottle is like that. ;)

[Martingale]

like it.:)

[Lady_G]

Нечистоплотность:

грязные ботинки,
грязные волосы, перхоть,
длинные ногти на руках и ногах (длинный ноготь на мизинце руки), грязь под ногтями, шершавые пятки,
запах пота,
небритые подмышки.
Болезненная чистоплотность.
Семейные трусы (в цветочек, горошек), солдатские.
Неряшливость в одежде (оттянутые коленки и т.д.)
Постоянно мокрые, липкие ладошки.
“Детская ладошка”: мелкие ручки, пальцы
или наоборот:
лапы, как у мясника — толстые, короткие пальцы.
Чавкает за столом.
Требует, чтобы все стояло, висело на своих местах, не было беспорядка, пыли.
Много пьет, наркоман, сильно ругается матом.
Бьет женщин.
Белые носки под костюм. Носки, отличающиеся цветом от цвета брюк или ботинок.
Руки в цыпках.
Излишняя стеснительность, скованность в поступках, действиях, словах.
Жадность. Спрашивает деньги на подарок, который стоит недорого.
Излишняя назойливость, особенно, если не во время.
Выспрашивает очень дотошно о других мужчинах. Задает много лишних вопросов.
Против того, чтобы я общалась со старыми друзьями и подругами. Категорически запрещает что–либо. Собственник.
Глупее меня. Отсутствие ума, при этом завышенная самооценка.
Не может постоять за себя. Размазня. Слабее меня морально, не может мне перечить.
Мужская истерика.
Ведет себя как “курица–наседка”, особенно при людях.
Некорректное отношение к своим бывшим подругам.
Не откровенность, подлость.
Болезненное чувство вины перед другими и, наоборот, когда все вокруг виноваты.
Излишнее усложнение проблем.
Жалуется на серьезное невнимание женского пола.
Невнимательный: не поздравляет с праздниками, не дарит подарки.
Болезненно ревнивый.
Мелочность во всем.
Зануда.
Маниакальная забота о здоровье окружающих (пичкает таблетками, находит врачей, консультируется у ясновидящих)
Не пунктуален: сильно опаздывает на встречу.
Я сама должна придумывать, как мы будем проводить время.
Не помогает нести сумки.
Не уступает место в транспорте.
Отказывается сделать какую–либо мелкую работу по дому: вынести ведро, почистить картошку и т.д.
Желание мужчины нравится вокруг всем женщинам и, вообще, всем окружающим.
Проявление эмоций, интереса ко мне только под действием алкоголя.
Неумение или нежелание проявить инициативу первым.
Рассказывает очень подробно о своих бывших девушках.
Постоянно сидит дома.
Не берет с собой, когда встречается с друзьями (если это возможно).
Жалуется на меня посторонним людям, думая, что они мне об этом не скажут.
Общаясь с друзьями, забывает обо мне.
Вспоминает обо мне только тогда, когда ему плохо.
На первом плане у него друзья или кто–либо другой, но только не я.
Думает только о сексе.Но при хорошей женщине даже мужчина может стать человеком!!!!!!!


:lol: :cool: