What I've felt? What I've known?

[Demir Kağan]

In a winter day.. You wake up in the morning.. You feel so sorry because you sleep lonely.. You miss her.. You know how it's to sleep with her.. You enter other rooms in the home, but you feel like the walls come onto you. Something's stucked in your throat. You want to scream but you can't, you want to hold her, touch her, kiss her but you can't...

You go out of home, walk alone in the streets. There are thousands of people in the whole city. But every step that you take makes you feel like you are in a hole in which it's no use every thing you do. Everybody has their own things to think. You feel so lonely. No matter how many people are there.. You just think about her.. Her and again her... You walk for hours..

You look at the sky.. And you think why?.. Why god? Why.. You want to scream why... You know she loves you but why she's not with you?.. You have a great and deep love for her. You can do anything for her. You can do anything to not to lose her. But you think that you are losing her day by day.. There's no light, no hope.. You just want to fall asleep through all your life.. You don't want to live..

You keep looking at the sky.. Frozen tears in your heart.. Cold wind blow through your face, makes you curse.. In that cold day, it starts to rain.. You think that Angels crying to your love.. You beg God to forgive you and give her back to you.. She means everything to you, but you don't have her with you now.. And you don't know if you can see her again.. When you are away from her, you think you will lose her.. And you cry in the streets.. You try to hide your tears..

If you lose her, you will lose everything, you will lose yourself. Maybe you're going to start using drugs, you will be more alcoholic than now you are. You still cry.. And finally you decide to suicide..

This is what I've felt, what I've known today and now sick and tired I stand alone... With my tears.. With my pain..

[kipchak]

that's how you grow up and become cynical. be strong man. We always love those who do not desreve it, and are loved by those whom we don't want.

[EZOP]

og'irroq bo'lin oka.romantigni otasi ekansizu

[Guardian]

Demir Kağan, that's how you grow up, become a cynical (C). There was time I felt the same too ... don't give up yourself. Just relax, never stay alone, don't try drugs too, they never help. Be happy, read what a philosopher wrote:

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story.

Avoid loud and agressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the the world is full of trickery.

But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all it's sham drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.



so look on this as an opportunity, take a deep breath . . . . and dive in.

(c)

[Demir Kağan]

No matter how much strong I am. I feel so weak. And I don't know what can I do to not to lose her and her love.. I love her as I've never loved someone before. I am someone who doesn't love anyone but go out with people, talk to them, give value to them, etc. I have many friends but losing them will mean nothing to me except some people. I am giving all my love to her. This is why I am saying that losing her will make me lose myself.

In my whole life, I never mind losing anyone, because I make my plans for my future, I do everything for the moment that I'm tasting. I am not selfish but most of the things that I do are me-oriented. No matter who dies, no matter who doesn't love me, no matter who says what about me, no matter how people love me. But since I met her, something magically happened. I mind nothing including me but her and her love.. I really love her. We are dating, we are planning to marry but I think you never seen such a paranoid like me. I need some advice for that. I know she loves me, I know she wants me but all I think about is "what if I lose her? what if she doesn't love me anymore?" etc..

"And I close my eyes, I wait for her
Please help me die, please end my tears..
Standing by the sea, watching her rageing waves
Beautiful as she, no one could ever be
Praying for the rain, to wash me down to her
And to end my pain, forever in her arms again..
She takes my hand, she leads my way
In a distant land, where silence dry my tears
Rain is pouring down, the storm will be here soon
Meeting her alone, midnight is her gown
The wind never calms, as it caress my face
The cold feel so warm, as I dive into her arms..
And I close my eyes, I wait for her
Please help me die, please end my tears..."

[Demir Kağan]

A song which expresses how I felt some days ago..

Empyrium - Lover's Grief (http://fs01n2.sendspace.com/dl/3b8fd244979199ad47354921acb6e919/45c5c80f/pts5ze/05%20-%20Lover's%20Grief.wma)

O gothic moon thy shine encharmest me tonight
Bereavest me of sleep, makest me wander under thy light.
Thou letst abloom my heart until the very last of thy ray,
Shine! Bereaver of sleep, ere black clouds hide thee away....

I know this can't be eternal!
No love hath ever conquered the borders of time!
No beauty is everlasting, not even thine!
But o how I wished your heart would fore'er be mine...

Thy eyes caress myself to endure these painful lies...
The moon's persistance makest me ask...
Why can't we be stars?
Stars that shine forever...
Stars that unite with the night...

At the horizon the dark stormclouds of sorrow have gathered their might,
neither the moon nor the stars reveal their light this night
...and rain is falling, pouring down into my soul,
while wild weeping clouds enwrapp me in their woe

-

But now, I see everything I felt was unnecessary. Still afraid of something. But anyway.. It's a strange day in Istanbul. I wish I could take its photograph. But imagine, the sky is full white, it's rainy, windy and foggy. So nice and dark.

I had some works to do. I must code for someone and I must study math. I'll pass the exam this year. I won't let it happen, failing again.

[Demir Kağan]

A great day for me has started. It is just 02:02 am, midnight. I am still alive and awake. I feel great. Today will be a great day. I will see my woman, I will give her gift for Valentines Day early because we cannot see each other in that day due to our works but I hope so.

I am planning to marry in next 1.5 years. I hope God will help me. I know everything will be harder but I am ready for everything. I don't want to be in comfort without her, I am into hard things with her. I know God will help us for everything. Amen.

[Demir Kağan]

It was an eve in late summer
autumn was nigh
still a warm sun did colour the sky
The meadows did shine in a strange golden light
and vales did forth the soft haze of night
When through the air a voice did resound
beckoning the shepherd to rise from the ground
The shepherd:
"What sweet voices does sing in such a woebegone tone?
What maiden does wander the heather alone?"
Bewitched by its tone,
he followed her song,
whilst the sun did descend
and the shadows grew long
In the dim light of dusk,
near the sparkling cascade
on a moss covered stone sat a crying yound maid
The shepherd:
"Why art thou dreary?
What happened to thee?
What song didst thou sing so woefully?"
The maiden:
"Go whither O shepherd!
Don't sadden thine heart
Thou canst not help me - not thou who thou art!
An old man who's been born in a cradle of wood
of a tree that at least a hundred years stood,
cut by a boy who at heart was still pure
might be my redeemer if he knew that he could..."

[Demir Kağan]

But since you've been gone I've been lost inside
tried and failed as we walked by the riverside
oh I wish you could see the love in her eyes
the best friend that eluded you lost in time
burned alive in the heat of a grieving mind
but what can I say now?
it couldn't be more wrong
cus there's no one there
unmistakably lost and without a care
did we lose all the love that we could have shared
and its wearing me down
and its turning me round
and I can't find a way
now to find it out
oh, where are you when I need you?..

Are you there?..

[stanford]

One thing i learnt from my own failures that everytime you experience something bad you become more strong.You learn to control yourself, you think hundred times before taking a step.Do not think that you cannot live without that person or life is over if she is no longer in love with you.If you see you can't be with her, there will be someone else.Just face it and deal with it.You love a person, a person will love you back, you cheat on her, or she will cheat on you,than you will fall out of that love and you will fall in love again.The process might be repeated hundred times, and at the end you die alone.Once heart invaded by someone else, it is hard to control.Do not let it,if you wanna take a control of yourself.

[Demir Kağan]

It's the fact that I don't want that process. I just want to love forever that love of mine. And I really don't want to go on living in this world without her. I know I can do, but I don't want. Everything is meaningless when she is not next to me.

She is not talking to me now and I am really so sad and another thing hurting me more is the truth of not knowing why she's not talking to me. And as I've said in one of my posts:

Where are you when I need you?
Are you there?..

[stanford]

I really don't want to go on living in this world without her.

You really do not have a brain??

Time to mourn your fallen star:(

[Demir Kağan]

A dead start in my head
And the day's been laid
The things I really want
Always thorn from my heart
You never saw the way
How I wanted you to stay
And now when you're gone
I'm on my own
When I was thinking this
Was something permanent
You were already thinking
Of going away..

Need some drinking, need some cigars..

[Guardian]

if she does hurt you, intentionally, you have to let youself know, she is not for you perhaps.

[XXL]

..do not love, just flirt and play around, when you meet a person who does

deserve your life, you will feel it with your heart and mind, then hold her, hold tightly,

hold and never let her go for the lifetime

[daka]

Demir Kagan, nothing is a waste if you learn something from it. I am sure this phase in your life will teach you something and inshaAllah you will move on.

For me it is enough to know that the person you love knows about your feelings. If your love is true and not selfish you just let him/her be happy in his/her life and pray for him/her. That is a beauty of love.

[Demir Kağan]

never let her go for the lifetime

This is what I am trying. Because she is love of my life and everything is being caused by me because I am a foolish paranoid.

[daka]

This is what I am trying. Because she is love of my life and everything is being caused by me because I am a foolish paranoid.

You sure you are not scaring her away, common now, love is fine by paranoid....

To me love never can be true or pure, if it makes you be a sinner!

[Demir Kağan]

As I draw up my breath
And silver fills my eyes
I kiss her still
For she will never rise..
On my weak body
Lays her dying hand
Throught those meadows of heaven
Where we ran..
Like a thief in the night
The wind blows so light
It wars with my tears
That won't dry for many years..
"Loves golden arrow
At her should have fled
And not Deaths ebon dart
To strike her dead."
:cry:

[Demir Kağan]

Thanks God I had two great days..

With my dear..

With love of my life..

Thank you God..

Thank you..

Love..

Passion..

Radiance..

Happiness..

[Demir Kağan]

What I have recently listened..

http://imagegen.last.fm/LastfmLiveJournal/recenttracks/10/WhaLberg.gif

It's a nice day. I haven't smoked yet. I am hungry and I feel strange. Yes, again. Strange. I was happy for those 2 days and after they are gone, I can't get used to it.

Anyway..

...and rain is falling, pouring down into my soul,
while wild weeping clouds enwrapp me in their woe...

[AL-Midwest]

two days ago i talked to my parents and decided that i am going back home , i have seen it all here and have done it all, time to go home
no matter what things turn out here in foreign you still gonna be just another foreigner
time to go home guys-)

[Demir Kağan]

Lonely and strange day..

Praying for tomorrow..

Shuqr qilib..

I miss her..

I am waiting..

[Sagittarius]

time will cure you Demir Kagan.
You remind myself 3 years ago. I was too crazy of one beauty. I tried lots of hints like pick up, seduce. did not help. Then I promised that I will love her forever like the "real love" when you dont bother her and wish only happiness for her.
After 2 years when I started to flirt with other girls and so on. I forgot her. I was very happy, because now I could control myself.

That will be lesson for you. You will be very strong after such feelings, you will be able to identify your priorities of your life.
believe me that is really exciting.

p.s. you need time.

[Demir Kağan]

time will cure you Demir Kagan.
You remind myself 3 years ago. I was too crazy of one beauty. I tried lots of hints like pick up, seduce. did not help. Then I promised that I will love her forever like the "real love" when you dont bother her and wish only happiness for her.
After 2 years when I started to flirt with other girls and so on. I forgot her. I was very happy, because now I could control myself.

That will be lesson for you. You will be very strong after such feelings, you will be able to identify your priorities of your life.
believe me that is really exciting.

p.s. you need time.

I don't think I need to forget. Because we are together but I have a foolish problem such as being a paranoid. That's all. I write bad scenarios if anything bad happens. But you are right, I need time. I need time to get all this paranoias over. :)

Thanks for the advices.

[Demir Kağan]

Duvarları maviye boyadım
Maviyi çok seversin
Penceremde menekşeler dizili
Sularken şarkı söylersin
Gramafonda eski alaturka
Hoşuna gider bilirim

Duvarları maviye boyadım
Maviyi çok seversin
Penceremde menekşeler dizili
Sularken şarkı söylersin
Gramafonda eski alaturka
Hoşuna gider bilirim

O yaz evinin içinde
Denize nazır
Sabaha kadar bekledim seni
Birden dalgalar dedi ki gelmeyeceksin
Dalgalar dedi ki gelmeyeceksin...

Birden çıktım viraneden
Koşa koşa indim kumsala
Acı acı sövdüm sonra
Yüzümü kırbaçlayan rüzgâra
Birden çıktım viraneden
Koşa koşa indim kumsala
Acı acı sövdüm sonra
Yüzümü kırbaçlayan rüzgâra
Acı acı sövdüm sonra
Yüzümü kırbaçlayan rüzgâra
Acı acı sövdüm sonra
Yüzümü kırbaçlayan rüzgâra
Acı acı sövdüm sonra
Yüzümü kırbaçlayan rüzgâra
Acı acı sövdüm sonra
Yüzümü kırbaçlayan rüzgâra
Acı acı sövdüm sonra
Yüzümü kırbaçlayan rüzgâra

[Demir Kağan]

Bulutlardır yağmuru getiren
Hüznüm bulut oldu
Yağmur yasak sevdamız
İnatla gurbete doğdu
Acıya büyüdü sevgiler
Karanlıklar kentinde
Güneşi hiç göremeden
Oynadığımız bir oyundu

Al beni yar götür
Götür buralardan
Bıktım artık hep aynı varoluşlardan
Al beni yar götür
Götür buralardan
Bıktım artık hep aynı varoluşlardan

Yitirmekten yitirilmekten
Korkmadan korkmalardan
Aldatmadan aldatılışlardan
Hiç almadan hep vermelerden

Al beni yar götür
Götür buralardan
Bıktım artık hep aynı varoluşlardan
Al beni yar götür
Götür buralardan
Bıktım artık hep aynı varoluşlardan

Yasaktı bize sevda yaşamak
Aramızda hep birileri oldu
Aramızda hep sen de oldun
Ben yalnız seninle doğdum

Al beni yar götür
Götür buralardan
Bıktım artık hep aynı varoluşlardan
Al beni yar götür
Götür buralardan
Bıktım artık hep aynı varoluşlardan

Al beni yar götür
Götür buralardan
Bıktım artık hep aynı varoluşlardan
Al beni yar götür
Götür buralardan
Bıktım artık hep aynı varoluşlardan
Al beni yar götür
Götür buralardan
Bıktım artık hep aynı varoluşlardan...

[erkak#1]

Just go and tell her: "I love you... I've always loved you, I love you now, and I will love you forever. Don't ever forget it... and remember, no matter what happens, I will never leave you!" :)

[Nevidimka]

Just go and tell her: "I love you... I've always loved you, I love you now, and I will love you forever. Don't ever forget it... and remember, no matter what happens, I will never leave you!" :)


Unaqa borib aytsa sevgini kuchi ozayib ketadida, qizig'i uncha qolmaydi........



PS: Mani gapim emas , bir tanishni gapi.........:lol:

Go ahead and open ur heart!!!!!!!!

[Iqbol]

Unaqa borib aytsa sevgini kuchi ozayib ketadida, qizig'i uncha qolmaydi........



PS: Mani gapim emas , bir tanishni gapi.........:lol: Go ahead and open ur heart!!!!!!!!

o'hho', har hil maslahatlarga to'lip ketiptiyu bu yer!
qizigi qolmasmish? sevgini qiziq qiziqmasi bo'larkanmi yoki kinofilmmidi oxirini aytip qo'ysez qizigi qomedigan :rolleyes:

[Demir Kağan]

Her sabah doğan güneş bir sabah doğmaz oldu
Elleri ellerimden kayıp giden yıldız oldu
Gülünce ışık saçan o gözler yaşla doldu
Ağlama duymaz artık bir varmış bir yok oldu
Giderken bıraktığı bütün renkler siyah oldu
Üzülme anla artık belki de huzur buldu

Dursun zaman dursun diyorsun da
Oyun değil ki yaşamak
Sen inanmasan da bir son var anla
Herkese inat..

Her sabah doğan güneş bir sabah doğmaz oldu
Elleri ellerimden kayıp giden yıldız oldu
Gülünce ışık saçan o gözler yaşla doldu
Ağlama dönmez artık bir varmış bir yok oldu
Giderken bıraktığı bütün renkler siyah oldu
Üzülme anla artık belki de huzur buldu

Dursun zaman dursun diyorsun da
Oyun değil ki yaşamak
Sen inanmasan da bir son var anla
Herkese inat..

Dursun zaman dursun diyorsun da
Oyun değil ki yaşamak
Sen inanmasan da bir son var anla
Herkese inat..

Duysun seni dönsün diyorsun da
Oyun değil ki yaşamak
Yok bir çaren anla
Sakın uyanma yıllara inat..

[Demir Kağan]

Ne zaman geldin ruhum?
Görmedim seni..
Uçaktan atlarken
Unuttum galiba özledim...

Sarıl bana ruhum
Ne olur sar beni..
Çığlıklar geçti üstümden
Bulutlar geçti..

Ve o gençlik günlerimizde
Sen ve biz..
Seni öldü sandım ruhum
Biliyor musun?

Sensiz yaşamaya alıştırdılar
Galiba özledim..

Ne zaman geldin ruhum?
Görmedim seni..
Uçaktan atlarken
Unuttum galiba özledim..

Ne zaman geldin ruhum?
Görmedim seni..
Uçaktan atlarken
Unuttum galiba özledim..

Sarıl bana ruhum
Ne olur sar beni..
Çığlıklar geçti üstümden
Bulutlar geçti..

Ve o gençlik günlerimizde
Sen ve biz..
Seni öldü sandım ruhum
Biliyor musun?

Sensiz yaşamaya alıştırdılar
Galiba özledim..

[Demir Kağan]

I have up and running my blog in Turkish:

http://www.whalberg.com

[Demir Kağan]

Last week, I read an advertisement on vbulletin.org, the user wanted a converters script for FusionBB (http://www.fusionbb.com) to vBulletin (http://www.vbulletin.com). I thought I could do it and I applied. I was choosen. We had deal on $150. Yesterday, I finished the job in some hours. But, while visiting the FusionBB site, I noticed it wasn't a free software. It was $140. Does it deserve that? In my opinion, nope.

What will this script convert?
* Users
* Forums
* Threads
* Posts
* Usergroups
* Usertitles
* Forum Permissions
I didn't code for attachments but if the guy wants it, I'll.

Tomorrow, I will start coding a new mod for vBulletin.

[Demir Kağan]

It is 3 am here and I can't sleep. I am thinking of her, here is so damn hot and I am going to balcony to smoke.

[Demir Kağan]

This post is reserved to write about today.. My happy birthday. :)

[Demir Kağan]

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside
I've, I've been there before
Something's changing inside you
And don't you know?

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

Give me a whisher..
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before
You tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you
And the times we had.. Baby..

And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

And please remember
That I've never lied
And please remember
How I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby...

And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday...
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight...

[Angeleyes]

This post is reserved to write about today.. My happy birthday. :)

Demir you r so talentive. Just no words...
BTW here is my poem.

he waits for her to understand
but she won't understand at all
she waits all night for him to call
but he won't call anymore
he waits to hear her say
'forgive'
but she just drops her pearl-black eyes
and prays to hear him say
'i love you'
but he tells no more lies

he waits for her to sympathize
but she won't sympathize at all
she waits all night to feel his kiss
but always wakes alone
he waits to hear her say
'forget'
but she just hangs her head in pain
and prays to hear him say
'no more
i'll never leave again'

how did we get this far apart?
we used to be so close together
how did we get his far apart?

i thought this love would last forever...

Good luck to you!
With warm wishes, -n-

[Demir Kağan]

http://img.verycd.com/posts/0509/post-334436-1125727598.jpg

Today I'm dirty
I want to be pretty
Tomorrow I know
I'm just dirt

Today I'm dirt
And I want to be pretty
Tomorrow I know
I'm just dirt

We are the nobodies
We wanna be somebodies
When we're dead
They'll know just who we are

We are the nobodies
We wanna be somebodies
When we're dead
They'll know just who we are

Yesterday I was dirty
I wanted to be pretty
I know now
That I'm forever dirt

Yesterday I was dirty
I wanted to be pretty
I know now
That I'm forever dirt

We are the nobodies
We wanna be somebodies
When we're dead
They'll know just who we are

We are the nobodies
We wanna be somebodies
When we're dead
They'll know just who we are

Some children died the other day
We fed machines and then we prayed
Puked up and down in the morbid faith
You should have seen the ratings that day

Some children died the other day
We fed machines and then we prayed
Puked up and down in the morbid faith
You should have seen the ratings that day

We are the nobodies
We wanna be somebodies
When we're dead
They'll know just who we are

We are the nobodies
We wanna be somebodies
When we're dead
They'll know just who we are

We are the nobodies
We wanna be somebodies
When we're dead
They'll know just who we are...

[Demir Kağan]

I have up and running my blog in Turkish:

http://www.whalberg.com

I faced some problems with my blog about 1 month, now I have it up and running again. If you know Turkish, you can visit my blog: www.whalberg.com. I will also add English posts. :)

[sherbola]

Those who love Allah more than anything and anybody else in this world will never have any kind of problems like that.

Love to Allah keeps you from any loss! Because you NEVER lose Him and He never abandons you! Even if you lose your greatest loved person, or greatest fortune (money, property, etc), you will still have Allah together with you, the one who is the most loyal, and the only true love in this and and any other world.

Love Allah, and love her for the sake of Allah; then you will never lose her.

[Demir Kağan]

Shining - Halmstad

http://www.metal-norge.com/images/omtaler/2265.jpg

I have been listening this album for days. It is totally suicidal. From lyrics to the music. Everything. In the song Llt Oss Ta Allt Frln Varandra, a girl is crying. What a deeply song it is! She is touching your heart with her tears. Male vocal is screaming. Ofcourse this is normal because this is a black metal band. I don't know if I can critize this album or not, the music is taking me to somewhere else. If you are a depressive person, I suggest you listening this album. This is just great!

Tracklist:
01. Yttligare Ett Steg Närmare Total Jävla Utfrysning (Yet Another Step Towards Complete ****ing Desolation)
02. Längtar Bort Från Mitt Hjärta (Longing Away From My Heart)
03. Låt Oss Ta Allt Från Varandra (Let Us Take All From The One And The Other)
04. Besvikelsens Dystra Monotoni (The Dismal Monotony Of Disappointments)
05. Åttiosextusenfyrahundra (Eightysix Thousand Four Hundred)
06. Neka Morgondagen (Deny The Day Of Tomorrow)

Paradise Lost - In Requiem
http://991.com/newGallery/Paradise-Lost-In-Requiem-400276.jpg

This is the latest album of a doom metal band (or used to be) Paradise Lost. This is a great album either. You like it if you listen it more and more. I suggest this album either. :) In this album, Praise Lamented Shade is my favourite.

01. Never For The Damned
02. Ash & Debris
03. The Enemy
04. Praise Lamented Shade
05. Requiem
06. Unreachable
07. Prelude To Descent
08. Fallen Children
09. Beneath Black Skies
10. Sedative God
11. Your Own Reality

[alpum]

Love is enjoyment

be carefull with enjoyment - it is given to us as a trail (test)

Pythagor

[Demir Kağan]

I have to finish 2 jobs as soon as possible. I am so tired and lazy nowadays. I don't want to do anything. I just want to sit my place and drink&smoke as much as I can. I am staying far away from everything day by day. I am thinking to accomplish my military service as soon as possible. Monday, I'll go for a check up to the military hospital. I hope they will send me in January. I wish it could be before that. I am ready to go in 1 month already. I had plans but I have changed it all. To marry my loved, my holy, my beautiful one, I had to. Nothing is bothering me for that I've changed my plans. Because I'll be with her after that. When I'm back, we'll marry and I'll get ready for the university exams in the meanwhile. I am praying to God everday for nothing to be changed, nor our feelings neither our plans. Please help us God, I am begging you. I know you hear me. I know everything has a time. Please let us do whatever we plan...

[Iqbol]

how old are you, Demirjan?

[Iqbol]

I can't understand how your talented heart and spirit can support Marilyn Manson's message?

[Demir Kağan]

I am 19. Marilyn Manson is a great song writer in my opinion. But ofcourse while giving social messages, he also adds his philosophy to his songs. For example, the Love Song and the Fight Song. As you know he is an atheist. He is neither a satanist. "I'm not a slave to a god that doesn't exist.."

If we turn back to my heart and my spirit, I don't know is it because of the fact that I am a teenager or not, but as long as I know myself (starting from age 7) I always been in equilibrium, to the system, to the family, to the community. I just been thankful to the God for whatever he gave me. Ofcourse sometimes I was angry at him either. But it's just enough that he created me and gave me the chance to whatever I goal to do. I was only 11 when I had read a book 1000 paged named the Life of Prophet Muhammet. At that age, I realised how to be a great person, how to be of the loved ones, how to have a great ethic. From that age 'til now I always tried and am trying to be like him. And as a little boy, I have suffered too much which is the reason of being such a mature man at that age.

[Demir Kağan]

I'm in love with you
and it's crushing my heart
all I want is you
to take me into your arms..

When love and death embrace..

I love you
and you're crushing my heart
I'm in you
please take me into your arms

When love and death embrace
When love and death embrace
When love and death embrace
Ahhh..aahhh.aaahhh..
When love and death embrace
Aaaahhh...Aaaahh..
When love and death embrace
Aaahhh... Aahh..
When love and death embrace

[Iqbol]

Hello, Demir Kagan?

I was just curious to know if among the things you have known was a link to download the movie "Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children" in turkish? :D

Thank you beforehands :)

[Demir Kağan]

I have requested that movie, if a user can find, I'll let you know. By the way, previous tuesday I have seen the movie "28 Weeks Later". What a great horror film! I'll post my critics later.

[Iqbol]

I have requested that movie, if a user can find, I'll let you know. By the way, previous tuesday I have seen the movie "28 Weeks Later". What a great horror film! I'll post my critics later.


Thank you beforehands, Demirjan!

But, I will thank you once more if you spare us your critics on the horror movie, we will get afraid :D

[Demir Kağan]

Well.. It all starts with people get infected by the Rage virus. There are nearly 6-7 people hiding in a summer house from those people who are infected. Suddenly a boy knocks the door so hardly and shouts 'open the door'.. They take him in and they give him food. While he is eating, they ask questions, the kid says: 'mom and dad was chasing me, they were trying to kill me' and a woman in the room checks if there's someone else outside and suddenly an arm goes into the wood wall and bites her. Zombis break the wall and comes inside. They kill nearly all of them but Don's wife try to save the kid, while she's doing that, her husband leaves her alone and try to escape... This was so impressive and touching. I'm not going to tell you the whole story. :) But the film doesn't have action only in its starting, like 3 mins or something. The soundtrack was also great. I have to say that, while we decided to see this movie, I was thinking, "'just' another horror film, nothing more" but when we start to watch it, it clearly made me change my mind because it was not. People are locked in a secure place but a zombi (escaping husband -later gets infected by his wife who is a carrier) can manage getting in. He kills or gets people infected. Thousands of zombis... Snipers got ordered to kill zombis first, but they were increasing, they couldn't control, then they got ordered to kill everyone.. It has many shocking scenes. You have to watch it!

[Qarama]

Hello, Demir Kagan?

I was just curious to know if among the things you have known was a link to download the movie "Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children" in turkish? :D

Thank you beforehands :)

http://forum.arbuz.com/showpost.php?p=789903&postcount=33
thanks to alfarolex :)

[Iqbol]

http://forum.arbuz.com/showpost.php?p=789903&postcount=33
thanks to alfarolex :)

Katta rahmat, Bakmajan!

Demirjon Iskandar kabob taklif qildi, Bakmajan tarhan corbasi beraman degandi. Istanbulga borsak qorin och qolmas ekanda Xudo hohlasa :D

PS. Demirjon, hohlaganingcha o'zbekcha gapirishing mumkin, qo'shni boarddagi gaplar hazil edi, yig'lamagin :D

[Iqbol]

Linkler icin cok tesekkurler, ama rapidshare icin premimum account'u neden alacagim :(

Tam, bugunlerde credit card'imi eskisini kaybettim diye iptal ettirip, yenisini hala almadim. Hacker, kardesler, premium accountde olsa, ikki defa guzel olurdu :D

[Demir Kağan]

Sunlari dene bakalim:LOGIN: 45575
PASSWORD: 2573305

LOGIN: 46042
PASSWORD: 8271283

LOGIN: 46044
PASSWORD: 3494441

LOGIN: 46051
PASSWORD: 3345449

LOGIN: 46055
PASSWORD: 5103287

LOGIN: 50415
PASSWORD: 5950137

LOGIN: 50419
PASSWORD: 2643224

[Iqbol]

Sunlari dene bakalim:

calismadi, account not found;

sadece sondan ikincisi "account found, password incorrect" dedi :(

[Demir Kağan]

Bunlara bak o halde? Login: 20145
Password: 7072148

Login: 19159
Password: 7932964

Login: 20151
Password: 773290

Login: 20366
Password: 7177185

Login: 20374
Password: 5630758

Login: 20452
Password: 3249043

LOGIN: 34746
PASSWORD: 7861243

LOGIN: 36272
PASSWORD: 8961973

LOGIN: 36273
PASSWORD: 8061013

LOGIN: 36274
PASSWORD: 2961920

LOGIN: 36275
PASSWORD: 8018801

LOGIN: 36276
PASSWORD: 527330


LOGIN: 34976
PASSWORD: 6650188

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PASSWORD: 6943382

LOGIN: 34979
PASSWORD: 3194204

LOGIN: 36272
PASSWORD: 8961973

LOGIN: 36273
PASSWORD: 8061013

LOGIN: 36274
PASSWORD: 2961920

LOGIN: 36275
PASSWORD: 8018801

LOGIN: 36276
PASSWORD: 527330


LOGIN: 34976
PASSWORD: 6650188

LOGIN: 34978
PASSWORD: 6943382

LOGIN: 34979
PASSWORD: 3194204

LOGIN: 34980
PASSWORD: 7812184

LOGIN: 40586
PASSWORD: 4181392

Account-ID: 36713
Password: 8785993

LOGIN: 34746
PASSWORD: 7861243

LOGIN: 34978
PASSWORD: 6943382

LOGIN: 34979
PASSWORD: 3194204

LOGIN: 34980
PASSWORD: 7812184

Login: 20145
Password: 7072148

Login: 19159
Password: 7932964

LOGIN: 20949
PASSWORD: 2716739

LOGIN: 15156
Password: 2679943

LOGIN: 18549
Password: 4646182

LOGIN: 19365
PASSWORD: 9667651

LOGIN: 18800
PASSWORD: 9496722

LOGIN: 20949
PASSWORD: 2716739

LOGIN: 36272
PASSWORD: 8961973

LOGIN: 36273
PASSWORD: 8061013

LOGIN: 36274
PASSWORD: 2961920

LOGIN: 36275
PASSWORD: 8018801

LOGIN: 36276
PASSWORD: 527330

LOGIN: 34976
PASSWORD: 6650188


Account-ID: 36712
Password: 1877564

LOGIN: 34746
PASSWORD: 7861243

LOGIN: 34978
PASSWORD: 6943382

LOGIN: 34979
PASSWORD: 3194204

LOGIN: 34980
PASSWORD: 7812184

Login: 20145
Password: 7072148

Login: 19159
Password: 7932964

LOGIN: 20949
PASSWORD: 2716739

LOGIN: 15156
Password: 2679943

LOGIN: 18549
Password: 4646182

LOGIN: 19365
PASSWORD: 9667651

LOGIN: 18800
PASSWORD: 9496722

LOGIN: 20949
PASSWORD: 2716739

LOGIN: 36272
PASSWORD: 8961973

LOGIN: 36273
PASSWORD: 8061013

LOGIN: 36274
PASSWORD: 2961920

LOGIN: 36275
PASSWORD: 8018801

LOGIN: 36276
PASSWORD: 527330

LOGIN: 34976
PASSWORD: 6650188

LOGIN: 34978
PASSWORD: 6943382

LOGIN: 34979
PASSWORD: 3194204

LOGIN: 34980
PASSWORD: 7812184


Account-ID: 36713
Password: 8785993


LOGIN: 36272
PASSWORD: 8961973


LOGIN: 36274
PASSWORD: 2961920

LOGIN: 36275
PASSWORD: 8018801

LOGIN: 36276
PASSWORD: 527330


LOGIN: 34976
PASSWORD: 6650188

LOGIN: 34978
PASSWORD: 6943382

[Iqbol]

I am using these numbers for rapidshare.com

I am not mistaken, am I?

[Iqbol]

ama simdi senin siten calismiyor?

[Qarama]

Katta rahmat, Bakmajan!

Demirjon Iskandar kabob taklif qildi, Bakmajan tarhan corbasi beraman degandi. Istanbulga borsak qorin och qolmas ekanda Xudo hohlasa :D

PS. Demirjon, hohlaganingcha o'zbekcha gapirishing mumkin, qo'shni boarddagi gaplar hazil edi, yig'lamagin :D

inshallah :) almanya'ya gel misafirim ol.

I am using these numbers for rapidshare.com

I am not mistaken, am I?

there is another way... you need endurance. After you have downloaded one part you must restart your modem so it will change your IP number.

Now you can download the 2nd part. You must make this for every part.

ya sabir :)

[Demir Kağan]

ama simdi senin siten calismiyor?
whalberg.com'u diyorsan, arada sorun cikiyor, hostingde problem var, tasiyacagim sanirim. :)

[Demir Kağan]

I'm gonna share a little information related to GROUP_CONCAT() function of grouping functions of MySQL. (In Turkish)

Yazmam gereken bir script vardı, aynı tarihte ameliyata girecek insanların listesini çıkartmam gerekiyordu. Freenode.net #php kanalına girdim, soruma cevap ararken ScottMac diye birisi yardımcı olmak istedi, whois çektim, office.vbulletin.com yazıyordu host adresinde. :) Meğerse vBulletin’in yazılımcılarındanmış, vB.com sitesinde hiç rastlamadım ya kendisine, o da ayrı bir mevzu. Neyse özeline girdim hemen ve yardıma oradan devam etti. Bir süre durduktan sonra group_concat(field) olayını da kullanabilirsin dedi. Ben de tabii ama ne işe yarıyor bu dedim doğal olarak. :)

Ne işe yarıyor bu GROUP_CONCAT(field)?
Aynı özelliklere sahip kullanıcıları bir arada göstermenizi sağlıyor. Mesela, aşağıdaki örnek, aynı puanı alan öğrencileri gösterecektir (mysql.com’dan alınmıştır):
SELECT student_name, GROUP_CONCAT(test_score) FROM student GROUP BY student_name

Bu MySQL fonksiyonu, gruplama fonksiyonları içine girmektedir. Daha fazla bilgi alabilmek için buraya (http://dev.mysql.com/doc/refman/5.0/en/group-by-functions.html#function_group-concat) tıklayabilirsiniz. Bir nebze de olsa dağarcığınıza bir şey ekleyebildiysem ne güzel, nitekim ben de bugün öğrendim dediğim gibi. Bana müsade, biraz tüttüreceğim. :)

[Demir Kağan]

I have got an IRC server up and running, named SerumIRC.net, there are two ways for you to connect that IRC server (yes, it's not a network):

- Click here (irc://irc.serumirc.net) to connect via an IRC client such as mIRC, pIRCh, xChat, BitchX, etc.

- Click here (http://www.serumirc.net) to connect via web chat.

The website is coming soon!

[Iqbol]

Demirjon, bugun kayfiyating yaxshiga o'xshaydi, hamma yoqni offtopga to'ldirip tashayapsan ;)

[Demir Kağan]

Yaxshi emas aka. I am so bad. There's an issue and I don't know what to do. A part of me is saying do, another part is saying don't.

[Iqbol]

Yaxshi emas aka. I am so bad. There's an issue and I don't know what to do. A part of me is saying do, another part is saying don't.
then, let your part who wants do the thing, and the part that doesn't want can stay doing nothing, i think this is the best thing :D

[Demir Kağan]

Nope, it's not like that. Should I have do my military service and go to university after that or should I go university first and do my military service?

[Iqbol]

Nope, it's not like that. Should I have do my military service and go to university after that or should I go university first and do my military service?
go to the university first, then you can do the military, even after university you can do it as subay, kardesim.

[Demir Kağan]

I know that things are so complex nowadays.. I told mom to "istahareye yat". I'll decide after it.

[Iqbol]

I know that things are so complex nowadays.. I told mom to "istahareye yat". I'll decide after it.

ya kardesim, bu ne bicim logik, istihareye sen kendin yatmalisin, degilmi ;)

[Iqbol]

sanki, sen iman et, ben cennete gideyim gibi...

[Demir Kağan]

Yok, validenin ici temiz, o yuzden. :) Benim gibi degil o.

[Iqbol]

Yok, validenin ici temiz, o yuzden. :) Benim gibi degil o.
olabilir kardesim. ama, o saygi deger temiz validenin ogluda ici temiz olmali degilmi. ben ona inaniyorum, onun icin sende git, hmen istihareye yat, forumda cok gezmede hayir yok

[Iqbol]

o signature'dagi siiri kendimi yazdin?

[Unique]

Nope, it's not like that. Should I have do my military service and go to university after that or should I go university first and do my military service?

How many years do you have to serve in the military?
Is it hard to get into the university?
In our country those, who come from the army and take the college entrance exams, get +40 or so points.
You should compare pros and cons of starting college or the military service first. :)

[Iqbol]

xo'sh, istihora nima bo'ldi, uka?

[Demir Kağan]

o signature'dagi siiri kendimi yazdin?
Abi gormemisim kusura bakma. Siir degil imzamdaki sarki sozu. Stratovarius - Season of Change. Indir ve dinle derim. Cok guzel.

How many years do you have to serve in the military?
Is it hard to get into the university?
In our country those, who come from the army and take the college entrance exams, get +40 or so points.
You should compare pros and cons of starting college or the military service first. :)
Sis we serve 1.5 years in military if we go just as a soldier. It isn't hard to get into but my situation is so complex that's why my mind is damned up.

xo'sh, istihora nima bo'ldi, uka?
Bir erkek cocuk gormus valide. Denize giren insanlar gormus. Bir buyuk bir de kucuk tesbih varmis. Kendisi kucuk tesbihi almis, buyuk tesbihi bir baskasi almis. Bes yuz kere cekmisler. 6 gun daha var, bakalim ne olacak abi. :) Insallah hayirlisi olur hakkimda.

[Iqbol]

Abi gormemisim kusura bakma. Siir degil imzamdaki sarki sozu. Stratovarius - Season of Change. Indir ve dinle derim. Cok guzel.


Sis we serve 1.5 years in military if we go just as a soldier. It isn't hard to get into but my situation is so complex that's why my mind is damned up.


Bir erkek cocuk gormus valide. Denize giren insanlar gormus. Bir buyuk bir de kucuk tesbih varmis. Kendisi kucuk tesbihi almis, buyuk tesbihi bir baskasi almis. Bes yuz kere cekmisler. 6 gun daha var, bakalim ne olacak abi. :) Insallah hayirlisi olur hakkimda.

Amin, kardesim!
Insaallah, hayirlisi olsun!
Allah senin gibi enfes kalbli cocuga hayirlar versin!
Ama, tabiiki, ilk once sen kendine hayirli davranmayi baslatmalisin: sigarayi birakmadan baslayarak derece derece hayirlara dogru ;)

[Demir Kağan]

Annem bugun ruyasinda bit gormus ve bir komsumuza 3 bas sogan vermis.. Hayir olsun insallah.

[Demir Kağan]

I have made my decision. First entering the university. Second marrying. Third doing military service. Yarin askerligimi tecil ettirmeye gidecegim. Kafam rahatladi. Simdi islerime tekrar donebilirim.. Imzamdaki sarkiyi koyayim.. :)

[Demir Kağan]

http://users.tkk.fi/~shaavist/strat/images/cover5.jpg

Season of change life feels so strange
Look into my eyes, do you see the truth?
I'm lost and alone, feelings unknown
They come to me stronger than before

On winds of time my soul will fly
The angels are knocking at my door
Oh now I need to be free
From all this hatred I feel inside

Let it be my dreams
Let it be my thoughts
All those thing in my heart
One too many days
One too many years
I wasted for nothing

I never realized
The truth is inside
Of every man for all to see
Listen to me now
I'm so close to you
Never felt like this before

The carousel is spinning fast
Better enjoy while it lasts
Every moment is like gold
You'll remember when you're old
And the meaning of this life
Is to live and is to die
Make the best out of your dreams
They are the world where you are free
All the sorrow and the pain
Will be washed away by rain
An eternal joy will come
It can be found by everyone
Though the end is drawing near
I'm not feeling any fear
I have found the truth inside
After all the tears I've cried

Season of change ..

[Demir Kağan]

I am really thankful to Allah for giving me what I need and what I want. Yesterday, I have finished a web programming job that I've been told to do 2 days ago. I finished it in one night. I am happy as now I have what I need.

Thank you God.

[Demir Kağan]

I have finished three (3) products for vBulletin. One is a paid modification and other two are the modifications that I released in vBulletin.org. Here are the list of my products with their features.

Pay Credit for Attachments (Paid Modification: $200)

Enabling / disabling the product in total.
Enabling / disabling the product in certain forums.
Setting credit number to give or take.
If the user has not enough credits, s/he cannot download the *.zip or *.rar attachments.
If the user downloaded attachment pay credit to the uploader and remove from the downloader.

Pay Credit for Attachments Screenshots
http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/1404/admincpsh9.th.jpg (http://img231.imageshack.us/my.php?image=admincpsh9.jpg) http://img141.imageshack.us/img141/8034/errormessagetc6.th.jpg (http://img141.imageshack.us/my.php?image=errormessagetc6.jpg)

To have this product running on your vBulletin forum, you must have vBCredits addon.

SM Auto Move Threads

Enabling / disabling the hack.
Disabling the hack in certain forums.
Selecting the recycle bin forum.
Moving thread to the recycle bin forum when closing via Thread Tools.
Moving thread to the recycle bin forum when deleting via Thread Tools.
Moving threads to the recycle bin forum when closing via Moderation Tools.
Moving threads to the recycle bin forum when deleting via Moderation Tools.
Not moving if the thread or threads is/are sticky.

SM Auto Move Threads Screenshots
http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/9278/admincpae0.th.jpg (http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/9278/admincpae0.jpg) http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/5921/admincp2yw1.th.jpg (http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/5921/admincp2yw1.jpg)

http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/1351/closeim4.th.jpg (http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/1351/closeim4.jpg) http://img516.imageshack.us/img516/6489/closedandmovedwc0.th.jpg (http://img516.imageshack.us/img516/6489/closedandmovedwc0.jpg)

http://img516.imageshack.us/img516/5301/deletexf2.th.jpg (http://img516.imageshack.us/img516/5301/deletexf2.jpg)http://img297.imageshack.us/img297/6159/deletedandmovedmn3.th.jpg (http://img297.imageshack.us/img297/6159/deletedandmovedmn3.jpg)

Click here (http://www.vbulletin.org/forum/showthread.php?t=158454) to download this modification.

SM Advanced Referrals System

Enabling / disabling the hack.
Showing referral names and count in UserCP.
Showing referral count in postbit or postbit_legacy template.
Adding a link to referral count in member profile page.
Enabling / disabling UserCP, Postbit/Postbit_Legacy, Profile Page changes.

SM Advanced Referrals System Screenshots
Screenshots of this product is not available at the moment.

Click here (http://www.vbulletin.org/forum/showthread.php?t=144222) to download the old version of this product.


Do not either forget to visit my blog (http://www.whalberg.com) and click some google ads. :)

It is 05:52 am here and I haven't slept nearly more than 1 day, I'll go to bed in two hours ofcourse. :)

[Femida]

Mdaa, threadni boshida siz chekayotgan azob uqubtlarni kurib rahmim ham keldi, bu user ni darhol " Qizil kitob" ga kiritish kerak chunki hozirgi zamonda Uzini sevgisini ardoqlaydigan SEVGAN yoriga erishish ucun hamma narsadan voz kechishga tayor bulgan erkak kishi er yuzidan yokolib ketvoti deb uyludim:)(No offence) lekin afsus threadni ohiriga kelib yana REALITY ga qaytib qolibsiz:)) yani-"I have finished three (3) products for vBulletin. One is a paid modification and other two are the modifications that I released in vBulletin.org. Here are the list of my products with their features."

Allah bless you and your family.

[Demir Kağan]

Mdaa, threadni boshida siz chekayotgan azob uqubtlarni kurib rahmim ham keldi, bu user ni darhol " Qizil kitob" ga kiritish kerak chunki hozirgi zamonda Uzini sevgisini ardoqlaydigan SEVGAN yoriga erishish ucun hamma narsadan voz kechishga tayor bulgan erkak kishi er yuzidan yokolib ketvoti deb uyludim:)(No offence) lekin afsus threadni ohiriga kelib yana REALITY ga qaytib qolibsiz:)) yani-"I have finished three (3) products for vBulletin. One is a paid modification and other two are the modifications that I released in vBulletin.org. Here are the list of my products with their features."

Allah bless you and your family.

Sister, I am really so much pleased for hearing this kinds words, I am honoured. But what I want to say is, this is not just a love thread. This includes my hate, my anger, things done my way, news about me and things about me. I didn't want to turn this whole thread as a deepressive one because of the fact that I am too much deeppressive. So I didn't one people leave my thread crying. :)

[Demir Kağan]

Got no reason for coming to me in the rain running down
There's no reason
And the same voice coming to me like it's all slowing down
And believe me

I was the one who let you know
I was your sorry ever after '74-'75

It's not easy, nothing to say 'cause it's already said
It's never easy
When I look on your eyes then I find that I'll do fine
When I look on your eyes then I'll do better

I was the one who let you know
I was your sorry ever after '74-'75
Giving me more and I'll defy
'Cause you're really ever after '74-'75

Got no reason for coming to me in the rain running down
There's no reason

When I look on your eyes then I find that I'll do fine
When I look on your eyes then I'll do better

I was the who let you know
I was your sorry ever after '74-'75
Giving me more and I'll defy
'Cause you're really ever after '74-'75

I was the who let you know
I was your sorry ever after '74-'75
Giving me more and I'll defy
'Cause you're really ever after '74-'75

This song was playing when... :cry:

[Demir Kağan]

Bugunum yarin olsa ya da hep yeni bastan
Yasamak ne guzel olur hic baslamamissan
Geriye ne kalirdi yasananlari atsan
Seni bir daha yasamak isterim aslinda

Beni al kucagina elini belime sar
Beni almadigin an usurum sabaha kadar
Beni al kucagina elini belime sar
Beni almadigin an olurum beni al

Biraz once uyurken seni koynuma aldim
Dudagindan operken uykudan uyandim
Sana boyle uzakken seni bir daha sevdim
Yanina gelebilsem bir daha donmezdim

Beni al kucagina eline belime sar
Beni almadigin an usurum sabaha kadar
Beni al kucagina elini belime sar
Beni almadigin olurum beni al

Beni al kucagina.. Usurum sabaha kadar
Beni al kucagina.. Usurum sabaha kadar

[erkak#1]

Happy thanksgiving bro! :D

http://www.pastdeadline.com/images/sesame_street_thanksgiving.jpg

Look! We're eating your mascot! :lool: :lool: (jk)

[Demir Kağan]

One of the best songs I have ever heard! Beowulf main title!

Give me my sword! :lol:

[Demir Kağan]

I feel so bad, so tired, so weak.. What she said hurt me. It really hurt me. Do people have to not to know the value of the person they have? I really feel so bad..

[Demir Kağan]

Motley Crue - If I Die Tomorrow

I wake up to find myself
After all these years
And where all the time has gone
Still seems so unclear
'Cause there's no one else
Since I found you
I know it's been so hard
You should know

If I die tomorrow
As the minutes fade away
I can't remember
Have I said all I can say?
You're my everything
You make me feel so alive
If I die tomorrow

It brings out the worst in me
When you're not around
I miss the sound of your voice
The silence seems so loud
'Cause there's no one else
Since I found you
I know it's been so hard
You should know

If I die tomorrow
As the minutes fade away
I can't remember
Have I said all I can say?
You're my everything
You make me feel so alive
If I die tomorrow

I spent all my life
Looking for our innocence
I've got nothing to lose
One thing to prove
I won't make the same mistakes
Now I know
That everything will be ok
When I die tomorrow

If I die tomorrow
As the minutes fade away
I can't remember
Have I said all I can say?
You're my everything
You make me feel so alive
If I die tomorrow
You make me feel so alive
If I die tomorrow
If I die tomorrow

[Demir Kağan]

Kelimelerden alacakli bir sagir gibi
Icimi bugun yoklugunla konustum
Tutsak gibi, enkaz gibi, kendim gibi
Icimden ciktim bugun, icimle konustum

Yuzunu ilk kez goren bir cocuk gibi
Gordum kendimi, gordum, kirildi ayna
Paramparca paramparca ne varsa kadinim
Yoklugunda kac damla gozyasi eder adin

Ne olur gel gel gel gel
Ben sensiz Istanbul'a dusmanim..

Kestigim umitlerden yelkenler yaptim
Ama yoklugunda ne gidebildim ne kaldim
Gercek miydi tutunmaya calistiklarim
Hediye susu verilmis ayriliklarim

Yuzunu ilk kez goren bir cocuk gibi
Sustum kendime kizdim, kirildi ayna
Paramparca paramparca ne varsa kadinim
Yoklugunda kac damla gozyasi eder adin

Ne olur gel gel gel gel
Ben sensiz Istanbul'a dusmanim..

Kirildi ayna
paramparca paramparca ne varsa kadinim
Yoklugunda kac damla gozyasi eder adin
Ne olur gel gel gel gel
Ben sensiz Istanbul'a dusmanim

Ne olur gel gel gel gel
Ben sensiz Istanbul'a dusmanim...

[Demir Kağan]

http://www.metallibrary.ru/bands/discographies/images/betray_my_secrets/pictures/99_betray_my_secrets.jpg

We all come from the goddess
And to her we shall return
Like a drop of rain
Flowing to the ocean

I close my eyes
I feel your presence
Waves of energy
You spread through our world

Isis, giver of life, queen of heaven
Revealer of mysteries!
Astarte, queen of the stars,
You rule the spirits of the dead!
Diana, mother of animals,
Protectress of all wild creatures!
Hecate, goddess of magic,
Goddess of the moon!

Isis, Astarte, Diana,
Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Inanna

Touch her beauty
Through the circles of life
Feel her presence
From the first day to the end

Demeter, goddess of fertility,
Earth and sea!
Kali, goddess of destruction and birth,
Beginning and end!
Inanna, queen of the land,
Goddess of transformation!

Goddess, goddess, from the goddess
Can you hear the goddess?
The goddess is calling!
The goddess is calling...you!
Listen, the goddess is calling
The goddess, a drop of rain..

[RockerDen]

I feel so bad, so tired, so weak..

Is it the weather that makes you feel so bad?

[Demir Kağan]

Fcuk you I won't do what you tell me!
Fcuk you I won't do what you tell me!
Fcuk you I won't do what you tell me!
Fcuk you I won't do what you tell me!
Fcuk you I won't do what you tell me!
Fcuk you I won't do what you tell me!
Fcuk you I won't do what you tell me!
FCUK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!
FCUK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!
FCUK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!
FCUK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!
FCUK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!
FCUK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!
FCUK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!
FCUK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!
FCUK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!

[Sarahjon]

i am normally out of everything. so, i am late here as well to comment modestly if i may.

just let it go.

the past is the past. worrying over it is the waste of life. look forward and change your future for the best. you are what you think.

i know easier said then done. but just give it a try and day after day after day you'll see you are in charge of your life. you'll meet somebody else who is somuch more perfect for you.



In a winter day.. You wake up in the morning.. You feel so sorry because you sleep lonely.. You miss her.. You know how it's to sleep with her.. You enter other rooms in the home, but you feel like the walls come onto you. Something's stucked in your throat. You want to scream but you can't, you want to hold her, touch her, kiss her but you can't...

You go out of home, walk alone in the streets. There are thousands of people in the whole city. But every step that you take makes you feel like you are in a hole in which it's no use every thing you do. Everybody has their own things to think. You feel so lonely. No matter how many people are there.. You just think about her.. Her and again her... You walk for hours..

You look at the sky.. And you think why?.. Why god? Why.. You want to scream why... You know she loves you but why she's not with you?.. You have a great and deep love for her. You can do anything for her. You can do anything to not to lose her. But you think that you are losing her day by day.. There's no light, no hope.. You just want to fall asleep through all your life.. You don't want to live..

You keep looking at the sky.. Frozen tears in your heart.. Cold wind blow through your face, makes you curse.. In that cold day, it starts to rain.. You think that Angels crying to your love.. You beg God to forgive you and give her back to you.. She means everything to you, but you don't have her with you now.. And you don't know if you can see her again.. When you are away from her, you think you will lose her.. And you cry in the streets.. You try to hide your tears..

If you lose her, you will lose everything, you will lose yourself. Maybe you're going to start using drugs, you will be more alcoholic than now you are. You still cry.. And finally you decide to suicide..

This is what I've felt, what I've known today and now sick and tired I stand alone... With my tears.. With my pain..

[Demir Kağan]

Sarahjon,

Thank you for your reply. I was so paranoid that times so I was always thinking what If I lose here.. I still am afraid of that but not as a paranoid.

[Princess Z]

Is that a really story?
If yes, I feel so sorry about you.
I always believe in something like whatever happens to us it happens in a good way fo us! Good Luck in New Year.


In a winter day.. You wake up in the morning.. You feel so sorry because you sleep lonely.. You miss her.. You know how it's to sleep with her.. You enter other rooms in the home, but you feel like the walls come onto you. Something's stucked in your throat. You want to scream but you can't, you want to hold her, touch her, kiss her but you can't...

You go out of home, walk alone in the streets. There are thousands of people in the whole city. But every step that you take makes you feel like you are in a hole in which it's no use every thing you do. Everybody has their own things to think. You feel so lonely. No matter how many people are there.. You just think about her.. Her and again her... You walk for hours..

You look at the sky.. And you think why?.. Why god? Why.. You want to scream why... You know she loves you but why she's not with you?.. You have a great and deep love for her. You can do anything for her. You can do anything to not to lose her. But you think that you are losing her day by day.. There's no light, no hope.. You just want to fall asleep through all your life.. You don't want to live..

You keep looking at the sky.. Frozen tears in your heart.. Cold wind blow through your face, makes you curse.. In that cold day, it starts to rain.. You think that Angels crying to your love.. You beg God to forgive you and give her back to you.. She means everything to you, but you don't have her with you now.. And you don't know if you can see her again.. When you are away from her, you think you will lose her.. And you cry in the streets.. You try to hide your tears..

If you lose her, you will lose everything, you will lose yourself. Maybe you're going to start using drugs, you will be more alcoholic than now you are. You still cry.. And finally you decide to suicide..

This is what I've felt, what I've known today and now sick and tired I stand alone... With my tears.. With my pain..

[Demir Kağan]

People come on! I have never written that we broke up or something. All was just my paranoia as I was so afraid of losing her. And yes, it is a real story.

[Sarahjon]

hei, if you keep sounding like this, like in your story, there is a great chance you lose her. not much people would wanna be around the obsessed. happiness is when you are happy by yourself first - internal happiness - and only then you are happy together with someone else. i do not know how to put it better. if your happiness depends on the other person entirely, there is definitely a problem - it took me a while to accept this. that dependency on love for that person is kinda like an addiction, a disorder, a desease. it's just not right if you cant function properly w/t her.

you do have some deep feelings for her - it shows - but be careful for it does not grow into obsession.

i mean no harm to noone. if its hard to read - i apologize.



People come on! I have never written that we broke up or something. All was just my paranoia as I was so afraid of losing her. And yes, it is a real story.

[Iqbol]

People come on! I have never written that we broke up or something. All was just my paranoia as I was so afraid of losing her. And yes, it is a real story.


Boshingga kelmagan yoki seni aloqador etmagan narsalardan qo'rqib xavotir olish bu yaxshi ish emas. Faqat zarardir.
Paygambarimiz alayhissolatu vasallamning "Insonning boshimga keladi deb o'ylab xavotir olgan ishlarning ko'pi hech qachon sodir bo'lmaydi" degan ma'noda hadisi shariflari bor, shunga amal qil, ko'ngling yengil yursin.

[Demir Kağan]

Boshingga kelmagan yoki seni aloqador etmagan narsalardan qo'rqib xavotir olish bu yaxshi ish emas. Faqat zarardir.
Paygambarimiz alayhissolatu vasallamning "Insonning boshimga keladi deb o'ylab xavotir olgan ishlarning ko'pi hech qachon sodir bo'lmaydi" degan ma'noda hadisi shariflari bor, shunga amal qil, ko'ngling yengil yursin.
Bu beni rahatlatti abi, tesekkurler.

[Uyyonli]

Hey man whatsap?! I didn't read your full story but I believe Turkish women have the capability of making anyone obsessed. I mean if u worried of loosing her go get married. Marriage is the last and only think makes you legally incontrol of your love and life.
then I'll be singging at your wedding like this
Galin galdi yor-yor peshanasi dor dor....
When I say "yor-yor" I don't mean "Yor" punch a hole, then I don't know :lol:

[Demir Kağan]

Everything's ok, bro, thanks. :)

[Uyyonli]

Everything's ok, bro, thanks. :)

no it's gotta be official, at least it will give me reputation points :lol: j.k:P

[Demir Kağan]

A letter to my fionce..

I love you baby, I love you.. No matter what we live, no matter how we live, I will love you forever.. I know I am not alone, I know you are here with me, I know you love me, I feel it.. Sometimes I feel so weak but when I feel your love deeply in my heart and mind, I feel stronger..

I've just remembered the days we had.. I remembered the first time I saw you, first time I hug you.. I was never happy as much as you made me in the past 1 year.. You mean everything to me and nothing else matters. I want to be with you right now, I want to see only you, I want to hear only you, I want to feel only you..

Sometimes I hear your voice and sometimes I see you wherever I look. I only see you.. Sometimes when I want to kiss you, if you are not with me, I kiss you inside me and I kiss what you have given to me.. Sometimes when I want to hug you, I hug you even you are not with me, I feel you..

You are my past, you are my future, you are my today, you are the one whom I only love, you are the one whom I only think, you are the one whom I only care, you are the one whom matters to me.. You are everything of me..

Sometimes, honey, I want to write everything that I feel but whenever I take a pen to my hand, it all goes away, I do not remember any of those words coming to my mind, I feel them but I cannot explain them.. My love for you, my little angel, is endless and unexplainable.. None of the papers, none of the words is enough..

When I look at you, your beauti hypnotizes me, your voice comforts me.. When you touch me here is the peace.. Do you think I do think about anything else any time? I think of you everytime.. I think, I feel, I hear, I see you everytime..

My wish.. Is to be with you when I'm dying.. I wish your face is the last face I had seen, I wish your voice is the last voice I had heard and I wish.. I can say "I love you baby.." as my last words..

I love you baby..

[Demir Kağan]

http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n312/yuxexesalbum/scorpions7.jpg

SCORPIONS - LONELY NIGHTS

Since you’re gone
There is an empty space
Since you’re gone
The world is not the same

I go back to the places we’ve been
It feels like you’re still there
I live all those moments again
Wishing you were here

Since you’re gone
There is an lonely heart
Since you’re gone
Nothin’ is like it was

There are memories all over the place
Bringin’ it back all so clear
Remember all of those days
Wishing you were here

All those lonely nights
I gotta fight for you, yes I do
Yes I do

Since you’re gone
There is a heart that bleeds
Since you’re gone
I’m not the man I used to be

I follow you steps in the snow
The traces disappear
We know what we’ve lost when it’s gone
I’m wishing you were here

All those lonely nights
I gotta fight for you, yes I do
Yes I do

[Demir Kağan]

http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com/images/I/41QYO2ZnAwL._SS500_.jpg

Suicide Code
Loose your life by manipulation
Slept away by another frustration
The simply truth I fear is here
Dying in its sleep

They called my name, I bled for life
Hear them cry again
The blood has left me cold inside
Time will tell the truth of life

It's time to die another way
The way of suicide
Slowly floating poison
The perfect day for my final time

I kill for hate of your preacher and leaders
The hopes and prays of all blindly believers
Nothing betray a weakness
Lost in the scars of sorrow

Die with their lies of justice and squerness
Betrayed by the tyrants, destroyed by your master
They will take your soul apart
And let you burn in hell

Hate ... is what I feel
Fear ... deep in me
Death ... so cold and quiet
Love ... will never die

Hate ... is what I feel
Fear ... deep in me
Death ... so cold and quiet
Enter ... suicide code

I kill for hate of your preacher and leaders
The hopes and prays of all blindly believers
Nothing betray a weakness
Lost in the scars of sorrow

Hate ... is what I feel
Fear ... deep in me
Death ... so cold and quiet
Love ... will never die

Hate ... is what I feel
Fear ... deep in me
Death ... so cold and quiet
Enter ... suicide code

As they all close their eyes
The dark turned off the light
They turned me into dead
I learned to hate the people
I never thought I would be there (again)
A life joke, just senseless
I feel my life goes away
I fear as I saw this end

[Demir Kağan]

http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk90/metalfoetus/1996---Morningrise.jpg

i am awaiting the sunrise
gazing modestly through the coldest morning
once it came you lied
embracing us over autumn's proud treetops

i stand motionless
in a parade of falling rain
your voice i cannot hear
as i am falling again

devotion eludes
and in sadness i lumber
in my own ashes i am standing without a soul
she wept and whispered: "i know..."

we walked into the night
am i to bid you farewell?
why can't you see that i try
when every tear i shed
is for you?

[Uyyonli]

http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk90/metalfoetus/1996---Morningrise.jpg


i am awaiting the sunrise
gazing modestly through the coldest morning
once it came you lied
embracing us over autumn's proud treetops

i stand motionless
in a parade of falling rain
your voice i cannot hear
as i am falling again

devotion eludes
and in sadness i lumber
in my own ashes i am standing without a soul
she wept and whispered: "i know..."

we walked into the night
am i to bid you farewell?
why can't you see that i try
when every tear i shed
is for you?
I love you signature picture, soldiers and a picture of wolf behind them.

[Demir Kağan]

http://img1.liveinternet.ru/images/attach/b/2/24/982/24982383_Manowar_Kings_of_Metal.jpg

BROTHERS I AM CALLING
FROM THE VALLEY OF THE KINGS
WITH NOTHING TO ATONE
A DARK MARCH LIES AHEAD
TOGETHER WE WILL RIDE
LIKE THUNDER FROM THE SKY
MAY YOUR SWORD STAY WET
LIKE A YOUNG GIRL IN HER PRIME
HOLD YOUR HAMMERS HIGH

BLOOD AND DEATH ARE WAITING
LIKE THE RAVEN IN THE SKY
I WAS BORN TO DIE
HEAR ME WHILE I LIVE NOW
AS I LOOK INTO YOUR EYES
NONE SHALL HEAR A LIE
NOW POWER AND DOMINION
ARE TAKEN BY THE WILL
BY DIVINE RIGHT
HAIL AND KILL

HAIL HAIL HAIL AND KILL
HAIL AND KILL
HAIL HAIL HAIL AND KILL
HAIL AND KILL

MY FATHER WAS A WOLF
I'M A KINSMAN OF THE SLAIN
SWORN TO RISE AGAIN
I WILL BRING SALVATION
PUNISHMENT AND PAIN
THE HAMMER OF HATE IS OUR FAITH
POWER AND DOMINION
ARE TAKEN BY THE WILL
BY DIVINE RIGHT
HAIL AND KILL

HAIL HAIL HAIL AND KILL
HAIL AND KILL
HAIL HAIL HAIL AND KILL
HAIL AND KILL

RIP THEIR FLESH BURN THEIR HEARTS
STAB THEM IN THE EYES
RAPE THEIR WOMEN AS THEY CRY
KILL THEIR SERVANTS BURN THEIR HOMES
TILL THERE'S NO BLOOD LEFT TO SPILL
HAIL AND KILL

POWER AND DOMINION
ARE TAKEN BY THE WILL
BY DIVINE RIGHT
HAIL AND KILL

HAIL HAIL HAIL AND KILL
HAIL AND KILL
HAIL HAIL HAIL AND KILL
HAIL AND KILL

[binbirincigece]

http://static.metal-archives.com/images/3/0/9/309.jpg

Battle Hymn


By moonlight we ride
Ten thousand side by side
With swords drawn held high
Our whips and armor shine

Hail to thee our infantry
Still brave beyond the grave
All sworn the eternal vow
The time to strike is now

Kill kill

Gone are the days when freedom shone
Now blood and steel meet bone
In the light of the battle’s wake
The sands of time will shake
How proud our soldiers stand
With mace and chain in hand
Sound the charge into glory ride
Over the top of their vanquished pride

Victory victory

To the battle we ride
We crossed a starlit sky
No space no time
We’ll catch the wind
Strange losses men died
We crossed a starlit sky
And still no space and time
We’ll catch the wind

Kill kill

Sound the charge into glory ride
Over the top of their vanquished pride
By moonlight we ride
Ten thousand side by side

Kill kill Dolunay isiginda yuruyoruz,
Cepheden cepheye on bin kisi.
Kiliclari beraber yukarida tutuyoruz,
Kirbaclarimiz ve parlayan zirhlarimizla.
Piyadelerimiz sizi selamliyor,
Hala cesur, mezarin otesinde.
Tum kiliclar ebedi yeminde,
Simdi hucum zamani.

Oldur, oldur, ooh!

Ozgurluk pariltisi ne zaman gitmis?
Simdi celik kan ve kemikle bulusuyor.
Savas yolundaki isik,
Kum saati karariyor.
Askerlerimiz heybetli dikiliyor,
Zincirli gurzleriyle.
Kusursuz hucum, seref yuruyusunde
Zaferin dorugunun en ustunde.

Zafer, zafer, ooh!

Savasta ilerliyoruz,
Yildizlarla aydinlanmis yolda
Bosluk yok, zaman yok,
Ruzgari yakaliyoruz.
Garip kayiplar, olu adamlar,
Yildizlarla aydinlanmis yolda yuruyoruz.
Ve hala bosluk yok, zaman yok,
Ruzgari yakaliyoruz.

Kusursuz hucum, seref yuruyusunde
Zaferin dorugunun en ustunde.
Dolunay isiginda yuruyoruz,
Cepheden cepheye on bin kisi.

Oldur, oldur, ooh!

[Uz_Yasmin]

Wow... That's what I call true love!

[Demir Kağan]

http://static.metal-archives.com/images/3/0/9/309.jpg
Cok gaz abi bunlar, feci feci. MP3 calari dinlerken, allah uleaann diyip "yeminimi bozdum ulean" tarzinda "kilicimi getir hanim" diyesim geliyor. :lool:

Uz_Yasmin, thank you sis. Hows things there?

[o'zbek]

I think this thought of me fits well your thread. Also, I wanted to ask the question and looking for relevant thread.

What I wanted to ask is as follows:

As many other human beings, I want to share with others some special or occasional feelings and experiences that I live. This can be feelings and experiences I live during prayer, studies or reflections. But, once I share with this experience, I can never experience it once again. Till I share it with others, I experience it almost continually, but once I share this experience with others, I loose it. I cant experience the same feeling afterwards.

So, I am divided between keeping this kind of experiences for myself and sharing it with others. As, I get benefit from this kind of experiences and also they help me to understand some things in the life, I want to share it with others. But, when I get to loose them, I say to myself that I must keep them to myself.

Do you have the same experience? What do you think about it: to share or not to share what I've felt and what I've known?

[Uz_Yasmin]

Uz_Yasmin, thank you sis. Hows things there?

Not so bad, yourself?

[Uyyonli]

"- Asshole"

Immortal Technique:

ha ha ha

[Verse 1]
I'm obnoxious, mother****er can't you tell
run through Little Havannah yelling: 'Viva Fidel'
jerking off at the sheets when I stay at hotels
drinking bacardi at AA meetings, smoking a L
I'm broke as hell my attitude is no good
like working for white people after watching rosewood
swallow mecenary, I don't care how I get richer
like American companies that did business with Hitler
get the picture nigga, I'm the best of both worlds
without the hidden camera, and the 12 year old girl
at stage at your basics, you aren't half the man that I am
I throw your gang sign up, and then I'll spit on my hand
give me a hundred grand, give me your watch, give me your chain
that's your girl, bitch get over here, give me some brain
I'll bust of on her face, and right after the segment
she'll propably rub it in her $%&^%, trying to get herself pregnant
I said it I meant it, that's the way I deal with enemies
like pro lifers, that support the death penalty
and don't talk about war, when niggaz know that your pus
a ****ing hipocrit draft charger like George Bush
don't push me nigga, cuz I'm close to the edge
and I'll jump of with a rope that's wrapped around your head
send a death feedaz to my ex on valentines day
the safety's off nigga, so get the **** out my way

[Hook]:
Obnoxious nigga, murderous lyrics
I know that you hear it
now that I'm getting closer and closer I know that you feel it
your eating off rap, and I hope you choke on your gimmick
niggaz said hip hop was dead but I awoken the spirit
we're taking it, back in the day to the golden age
when wack mother****ers used to get thrown off stage
Immortal Technique, I made this the bump in your ride
or burn it off the internet, and bump it outside
nigga, we keeping it live, we keeping it live
we keeping it live, we keeping it live
burn it off the ****ing internet, and bump it outside

yeah nigga

[Verse 2]
Look mother****er, my words damage an slaughter
a raging alcoholic like the presidents daughters
disgusting flows like third world country tap water
but before I hit the border, someone give me a quarter
cuz I'm a prank call, cop shot just for kicks
payback for everytime that they called me a spit
and Porturigan chicks told me that I **** like i'm loco
and dominiquin women call me the 'Rompe Todo'
they call me 'Assioso' I'd rather get fired than quit
I get unemployment, you work and we making the same shit
how dare you niggaz critise the way that I spit
you coffee shop revolutionary son of a bitch
but you know what the **** I think is just pathetic and gay
when niggaz speculate what the **** 'Pac would say
you don't know shit, about a dead mans perspective
and talking shit will get your neckbone disconnected
disrespected niggaz don't show no love
why you trying to be hardcore, you ****ing homo-thug
and don't be sensitive and angry at the shit that I wrote
cuz if you can take a ****ing dick, you can take a joke
I choke your friends in front of you, to prove that you fallen off
and you won't do shit about it, like the church during the holocaust
calitsnacortch (?) machine gun flow that I fire
obnoxious untill they shoot me on the day I retire

[Hook]

[Verse 3]
Daaamn homie, in high school I beat the shit out of you and your man homie
your girl wanna blow me and don't even know me
she lonely and she thinks your a phony
I take a piss on a development deal from Sony, or Def Jam
cuz your like all of the rest man
this ain't a verse it's shit talk at the end of the song
and you can suck a dick if you think I ended it wrong
**** you and I'm gone, ha ha ha

piece to the strong hope, EO dub
Word-A-Mouf, Forbidden Chapters
IAK niggaz, westpoe killing you slow
the plaig I murder a show, you don't even know
yeah, fowl play nigga
Harlem! - Wauw!
YouTube - Immortal Technique-Obnoxious

[binbirincigece]

Cok gaz abi bunlar, feci feci. MP3 calari dinlerken, allah uleaann diyip "yeminimi bozdum ulean" tarzinda "kilicimi getir hanim" diyesim geliyor. :lool:
Just like Mehter Marches... :mrgreen:

[corsair]

hello, how r u?
yeap. i am back, but not for long...

been in istanbul, old town is chok guzal

[Demir Kağan]

i feel so fu*ked up..