Marriage against will ...

[Пушкарева]

The phenomenon is quite common in the Uzbek society. What do you think about it?

- Do you agree that parents know better who is a right match for their kid?

- Would you marry someone if you dont like him/her, but your family wants the union?

- Will you insist on your child marrying someone s/he does not want?

[lilbit]

The phenomenon is quite common in the Uzbek society. What do you think about it?

- Do you agree that parents know better who is a right match for their kid?

- Would you marry someone if you dont like him/her, but your family wants the union?

- Will you insist on your child marrying someone s/he does not want?
I believe that it's really foolish to decide for their children what to do in their own lives.


- Do you agree that parents know better who is a right match for their kid? I would agree if it was to the extent of what type of personality may be right for the child (only type!!!).

- Would you marry someone if you dont like him/her, but your family wants the union? NEVER

- Will you insist on your child marrying someone s/he does not want? NO

[Princess Z]

Esli chelovek nu nikak ne v sostoyanii nayti sebe vtoruyu polovinku, v etom sluchae pomosh roditeley ochen' daje kstati, no v ostalnom sluchae ya schitayu nikto ne imeet pravo vmeshivatsya v tvoyu lichnuyu jizn!Kajdiy chelovek neset sam otvetstvennost za svoi deystviya.
Would you marry someone if you dont like him/her, but your family wants the union? Nikogda!!!!!
Will you insist on your child marrying someone s/he does not want? Never, at least I can advice but no more...

[Princess Z]

Opyat' -taki, takie situacii zavisyat ot vospitaniya i mentalliteta sem'i. Nekotori molodie ludi ochen' daje normalno smotryat na to, chtobi roditeli im iskali nevestu/jeniha. Potomuchto s samogo detstva im vnushayut, chto roditeli luchshe znayut kakaya nevesta/jenih im nujna,chtobi ona/on takje sootvetstvovala urovnu i rostu sem'i.No ochen' chasto podobnie braki rasspadayutsya i deti nachinayut obvinyat roditeley v svoih problemah.
Ya schitayu kajdiy doljen sam delat svoy vibor!

[Zagadochnaya]

The phenomenon is quite common in the Uzbek society. What do you think about it?

- Do you agree that parents know better who is a right match for their kid?They might know better taking into account their life expirience, but I prefer to choose myself

- Would you marry someone if you dont like him/her, but your family wants the union? I would never do so and I know my parents will never even think to force me

- Will you insist on your child marrying someone s/he does not want? Never, everyone has a right to choose

Rgds
Zagadochnaya

[UzbekGirlie]

Well, if you are speaking about forced marriages (where parents choose their son's or daughter's future spouse with no input from the son or daughter. And if the son or daughter refuses the choice, he or she may be punished or in rare cases, killed.) than yes I am absolutely against this. What I can never understand in such cases is- how can a mother and father who brought this child to life and love him/her push them into something they are not ready or don't want to and make them unhappy. I can not imagine doing that my worst enemy let alone a child that parents love more than anything else in the world.

I personally can not imagine and will not accept the prospect of being married to a stranger or to someone I do not already love. I feel like an arranged marriage, if viewed in terms of an individuals rights and personal growth, would be a great denial of myself. We already do not have control of most events in our lives and letting go of control over ones most significant life decision in this way will reflect later in other aspects of our life. This can create an indifferent attitude where things are done to confirm to society rather than for the love of it affecting our job, family and everything else that matters.

So my questions is - does this mean in our culture parents believe that individuals can not be trusted to make their own decisions about choosing their spouses and parents to a better job? Or is this done because our society values family more than marriage and love? I mean isn't the whole point of marriage in our country to have a family and continue on the linage and not spending your life together to share your love?

[Qodiriy]

Thanks to everyone

but i would like to add on some of my opinion to this esteemed discussion organized by you
Well Marrige and family is holy thing and many people in this life are not happy even own will merrige as well as arrranged .
So if you are not able to choose the right one let your parents find for you. becouse they have alot experience compare to you
and after seeing each other that marriege has to be happen with free consent or will of groom and bride. in this metter i can not support parents who force their children to marry to someone whom he or she doen't like.
But premarrige arrangment by parents who want their children just to see each other and get impression i do not think so its bad idea.
if you kindly read and get information about our previous people about marriege 90 % were happy with their marriege becouse everything has been done in intelegent way.
But nowadays people become selfish their expectation from marriege are not only happiness of their children but also some materila things.
and There a lot unmatured boys who are not able to manage family

So I can say its faith on your forhead how , what, who and Life will discuss it for you.

[UzbekGirlie]

if you kindly read and get information about our previous people about marriege 90 % were happy with their marriege becouse everything has been done in intelegent way.

Actually this statistic that our society quotes a lot is due to the fact that most people who are traditional and obedient enough to enter into arrange marriage will not consider a divorce even if it is the last resort. They will tolerate anything and everything for the sake of preserving the family unit. This number is so high not because all people who enter into arrange marriages are happy. We tend to confuse being happy and not getting divorce. But those are 2 different things.

Yes there are some cases where people find happiness in a arrange marriage but I think it is rare, and if I am wrong than i will accept that, but I am yet to meet such couple so it makes me a little skeptical.

[dorahon]

The phenomenon is quite common in the Uzbek society. What do you think about it?

- Do you agree that parents know better who is a right match for their kid?

- Would you marry someone if you dont like him/her, but your family wants the union?

- Will you insist on your child marrying someone s/he does not want?

1. Disagree, it's girl's life, let her make her own mistakes; and even her parents gonna make her marry; she can always have divorce;
2.my parents never can make me marry to someone,whom i don't like; And i am already married. I chose my husband myself, without any help of my parents.My mom was disagree, my dad told me, if i am sure i can be happy, then get marry.
3.Never, I am sure, because it's not end of the world, if he is not her soulmate,I am always gonna support her decision.

[glamour]

Parents knows better but girl or guy can not marry someone who even dont like a little.

I think if there is no other choice(if u dont hv someone u like ) so why not? :D Parent dont wish bad for their childreen.

I would just advice but not force.

[Пушкарева]

The other point is that forced marriages also cause infidality with all subsequent negative after-effects. If a guy (married uzbek girls do not dare) is forced into marriage, in most cases, he will be back to his passion after marriage. I wonder if, for parents, that is better than letting him initially be with his affection?

[UzbekGirlie]

to the author:

You are completely prejudiced towards this phenomenon. First off, you named it in a wrong way. It's NOT "marriage against will". Yes, at old times, women were forced to marry even without seeing their future husband. But nowadays they do see, they choose and maybe only less than 1% of girls marry who their parents want. But still they agree partially by their own will. I aint against arranged marriages in Uzb as long as it brings better results. Yes, it really does. Girls and guys get married in an easy way. Compare our arranged marriage with the one in india or some countries. Im sure you would hang yourself if you lived in those countries.

What u r talking about arrange marriage, what the author is talking about is forced marriage. Two different things...

[PainKiller]

I am totally against of arranged, forced and any sort of marriages build on anything but mutual love, respect and maturity.
How can you marry someone whom you do not even know and expect to stay with that person entire life? Marriage is not like a cab which you can jump on and jump out if you do not like. Marrying teens at their 16+ years is a total stupidity from the side of parents. i believe marriage takes more than just ability to get intimate with each other and making kids.

[Maroon]

The idea is not the same.

It is only the same if they see each other once and they get married. Which is IRRESPONSIBLE.

But arranged marriage usually is when parents want their children to meet and see if they like each other. Basically, a blind date.

Which I personally find totally normal. I mean because your parents advised you to meet up with this person it does not mean he or she is wrong for you.

If it is your destiny, you can meet him in a public toilet.

Who cares from who via it is. The main thing is, to approach marriage responsible and after thinking twice.

[UzbekGirlie]

But the general idea is the same. That's what she is talkin about. forced marriages are very rare and only applies to very very traditional families. open your eyes, visit uzb and you will see that people also have brain over there.

My eyes are open. I hear 15 year old girls being pushed into marriages. I hear about girls threating to kill themselves in Uzb. And this happens in cities like Tashkent and Samarand as well. So it is not only about traditional families. I visit Uzb and I talk to people there every day I am not as detached you think. So may be you should take a look - not everything is peachy there.

[UzbekGirlie]

The idea is not the same.

It is only the same if they see each other once and they get married. Which is IRRESPONSIBLE.

But arranged marriage usually is when parents want their children to meet and see if they like each other. Basically, a blind date.

Which I personally find totally normal. I mean because your parents advised you to meet up with this person it does not mean he or she is wrong for you.

If it is your destiny, you can meet him in a public toilet.

Who cares from whom via it is. The main thing is, to approach marriage responsible and after thinking twice.

I agree. But there is a difference between arranged and forced marriages. I feel like advising and arranging people for blind date is different than making someone marry a guy/girl against their will. I am not against parents input but it should be an input not a decision made for their children. The people who are getting married should have a say.

[Maroon]

I agree. But there is a difference between arranged and forced marriages. I feel like advising and arranging people for blind date is different than making someone marry a guy/girl against their will. I am not against parents input but it should be an input not a decision made for their children. The people who are getting married should have a say.

When I said "the idea is not the same" I meant that arranged and forced marriage is different.

[migrant]

[quote=~*NeZaBudkA*~;756980]The phenomenon is quite common in the Uzbek society. What do you think about it?

- Do you agree that parents know better who is a right match for their kid?

Depends on the kid's and parents' life experience and knowledge level

- Would you marry someone if you dont like him/her, but your family wants the union?

NO

- Will you insist on your child marrying someone s/he does not want?

If it is a child then NO, if he/she is 35 years old (almost very old) then YES

[passer_by]

What does statistics say? How many marrieges we have against will and how many of these were brken?

[Prudence]

Ironically I happen to know both happy and unhappy couples among those who were forced to marry against their wills. So, probably, there is no universal answer to this question. It all depends on people, their nature, family traditions and etc. I, myslef, coudn't marry someone I hardly know just for the sake of my relatives and Inshallah will not force my children. However, never say never.

[erkak#1]

- Do you agree that parents know better who is a right match for their kid?
Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't :D

- Would you marry someone if you dont like him/her, but your family wants the union?
As lilbit said, NEVER! :D


- Will you insist on your child marrying someone s/he does not want?
I will not insist, but I will give him/her some advice about choosing his/her future partner.

Besides,
Ba'zida ota-onalar "biz senga yomonlikni ravo ko'rmaymizku bolam," deb o'zlarini hayotlarini ko'zlayotgan bo'lishadi. Boy badavlat, tanilgan, qo'li uzun insonga quda bo'lishni istashadi ko'pchiligi. Lekin ba'zi bir ota-onalar, o'glini yoki qizini "tezroq baxtini ko'ray," deb majburan turmushga berib yuborishadi.

O'z foydasini ko'zlab farzandini, asosan qizlarni turmushga berib yuborgandan keyin, oqibati hech qachon yaxshilik bilan tugamagan. Bundan tashqari, dinga qaytadigan bo'lsak, Islom dinida insonni hohish-istagiga qarshi yurish, xarom hisoblanadi.

[PainKiller]

How much better is arranging a 16 or 15 year old girl into a marriage, who does not know better from forcing her into a marriage?
A teen in his/her 15-18 years do not know better yet. They still listen to their parents, they are curious. They still are kids.
I think arranging very young teens into marriages (well, they meet up and do not resist much, which makes it more of an arranged than a forced marriage) is very wrong. Parents should let their kids grow up and let them choose. Parents hooking up their adult children with each other for blind dates are not wrong, as long as they are not pushy in their kindness. Those parents who try to hook up(even if their kids find the whole idea awesome), their very young 15 year olds are wrong.

[black_cat]

- Do you agree that parents know better who is a right match for their kid?

I agre that they know better, but I dont think that they FEEL better than me, so u have to follow your feelings too

- Would you marry someone if you dont like him/her, but your family wants the union?

No, but I wouldnt do a marriage which my family is against

- Will you insist on your child marrying someone s/he does not want?

No, because it could bring problemes in the future..

I am against forced marriage but it is a fact that these who are in love dont think realistic:D

[Qodiriy]

ohhhhh keling hammaga baht tilab qolaylik,
aziz muhtaram,muloyim paznda qizlarizuu va jasur yigitlar sizlar baht va omad va har doim oz yorlaring bilan baht saodatga erishinglar OMINN

[mana sizga]

its ok chill out guys you guys prefer aranged or self serach???
what ever in your faith leave the rest , thanks chil chil chikl,.l

mana sengaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[Amiri Turkiston]

hom kallaga hom hayol

against will...faqat tupoyla uylantiradi
lekin majburlashlar ko'p hollarda uchrab turadi